crusthatecean | (no subject)

IF YOU'RE READING THIS LETTER, IT'S BECAUSE THIS IS PROBABLY THE FIFTH TIME I'VE HAD TO FUCKING EXPLAIN ALL OF THIS TO YOU, EVEN THOUGH YOU DON'T REMEMBER. SO, YES, I KNOW THIS IS AN IMPERSONAL AND FRUSTRATING WAY TO COMMUNICATE WHEN PRESUMABLY I AM STANDING RIGHT THERE, BUT I'M TIRED OF GOING OVER THESE THINGS AND FORGETTING WHICH THINGS I REMEMBERED TO TELL YOU ON THIS PARTICULAR ARRIVAL. I DON'T KNOW WHICH TROLL YOU ARE, SO I WILL BE POLITE ON THE ASSUMPTION THAT YOU'RE SOMEONE I LIKE EVEN THOUGH LET'S FACE IT, THE ODDS OF THAT ARE INCREDIBLY SLIM.

THIS PLACE IS CALLED MAYFIELD. IT IS AN ANACHRONISTIC HUMAN "TOWN" THAT APPARENTLY WAS INTENDED TO RESEMBLE A TYPICAL HUMAN LIVING ARRANGEMENT SOME GENERATIONS PRIOR TO THE EXISTENCE OF THE HUMANS WE ARE FAMILIAR WITH. IN REALITY, HOWEVER, MAYFIELD APPEARS TO BE SOME SORT OF ARTIFICIAL CONSTRUCT CAPABLE OF CAPTURING INDIVIDUALS FROM DIFFERENT TIMELINES AND REALITIES AND INSTALLING THEM WITHIN ITS PROGRAM. LIKE OTHER ARTIFICIAL CONSTRUCTS WE HAVE GROWN ACCUSTOMED TO, MAYFIELD OPERATES ON A SET OF RULES AND PREVENTS SPECIFIC CHALLENGES.

INDIVIDUALS WHO ARRIVE HERE ARE PHYSICALLY ALTERED TO RESEMBLE ORDINARY HUMANS AND PLACED INTO HIVES IN PATTERNS. HIVES TYPICALLY HAVE TWO MATURE HUMANS, MALE AND FEMALE, AND TWO OR THREE IMMATURE HUMANS AS WELL AS A PET. SOME OF THESE HUMANS ARE FELLOW PRISONERS, BUT SOME ARE DRONES, WHICH WILL BE DISCUSSED WHEN I GET TO IT, SO JUST BE PATIENT. THE LIVING ARRANGEMENT IS INTENDED TO MIRROR HUMAN MATING AND WIGGLER RAISING CUSTOMS. THE MATURE HUMANS ARE MEANT TO FUNCTION IN THE ABSENCE OF LUSII. THE ADULT FEMALE REPLACEMENT LUSUS IS A MOTHER AND THE ADULT MALE REPLACEMENT LUSUS IS A FATHER. THE OTHER IMMATURE HUMANS AND YOURSELF ARE CONSIDERED THE DIRECT GENETIC OFFSPRING OF THE ADULT HUMANS, WHICH IN HUMAN PARLANCE IS KNOWN AS BROTHER AND SISTER. I DON'T REALLY GET HOW THE PETS WORK, IT JUST SEEMS TO BE IF SOMEONE IS A DOUCHEBAG WITH TOO MUCH FUR OR SOMETHING, THEY GET STUCK THERE. ALSO, HUMANS ARE DIURNAL AND ARE ASSIGNED TASKS DURING THE DAY. MATURE HUMANS ARE EXPECTED TO PROCEED TO EMPLOYMENT UNITS TO PERFORM ARBITRARY TIME-WASTING ACTIVITIES IN ORDER TO KEEP THEM DOCILE. FEMALE HUMANS ARE FREQUENTLY EXEMPT FROM THIS FOR REASONS I'M STILL NOT SURE OF. IMMATURE HUMANS ARE EXPECTED TO PROCEED TO A SCHOOLHIVE FOR MANUAL SCHOOLFEEDING FIVE DAYS OUT OF THE WEEK. IT IS ALSO POSSIBLE YOU WILL BE ASKED TO PERFORM EMPLOYMENT TASKS IN ADDITION TO SCHOOLFEEDING, BUT THESE AREN'T BAD AND YOU'LL PICK UP SOME EXTRA HUMAN CURRENCY. GETTING SCHOOLFED HERE IS ALSO INCREDIBLY SIMPLE AND ALMOST INSULTINGLY BORING, UNLESS YOU'RE ONE OF THE STUPIDER ONES OF US, WHO KNOWS.

IF YOU'RE UNLUCKY, SOME OF THE HUMANS IN YOUR HIVE WILL BE WHAT ARE KNOWN AS "DRONES." THESE DRONES ARE GAME CONSTRUCTS WHO ABIDE BY THE ARBITRARY RULES MAYFIELD PROVIDES. WHEREAS FELLOW PRISONERS WILL RESPECT CULTURAL DIFFERENCES AND LACK OF GIVING A FUCK AND WILL NOT INSIST THE FAMILIAR RELATIONS INHERENT IN THE HIVE SET UP BE RESPECTED, DRONES WILL TAKE THIS FOR GRANTED AND INSIST ON TREATING YOU AS A LUSUS TREATS ITS FRESHLY HATCHED PUPA OR ENGAGE IN STRANGE SIBLING RITUALS. DRONES CAN BE AVOIDED IF YOU LOCK THEM IN THE BASEMENT OR SOMETHING.

DON'T BE TOO MUCH OF AN ASSHOLE ABOUT THAT, THOUGH. MANY DRONES WERE ONCE FELLOW PLAYERS, AND YOU WERE PROBABLY HERE AS A DRONE LONG BEFORE YOUR PAN DECIDED TO MAKE THE TRIP DOWN. MAYFIELD HAS A PUNISHMENT IT INITIATES WITH ALARMING FREQUENCY. THIS IS KNOWN AS PAN SCRUBBING OR, IN THE REALLY STUPID TERMINOLOGY THAT THE HUMANS HERE WILL UNDERSTAND, "DRONING." THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT IT SOUNDS LIKE SO I PROBABLY DON'T NEED TO EXPLAIN, BUT I GUESS YOU THINK MY TIME IS WORTHLESS SO I WILL. THIS IS WHEN MAYFIELD SCRUBS YOUR PAN SO YOU TEMPORARILY BECOME A DRONE. THIS SOMETIMES LASTS ONLY A DAY BUT SOMETIMES IT CAN LAST FOR PERIGEES. DURING THIS TIME YOU WILL BELIEVE YOURSELF TO BE A HUMAN RESIDENT OF MAYFIELD LIVING IN A GENETIC FAMILY UNIT, AND YOU WILL ALSO ACT UNBEARABLY CHEERFUL AND STUPID. WHEN YOU RETURN, THERE IS A GOOD CHANCE YOU WILL HAVE YOUR RECOLLECTION SPONGE WIPED OF ALL MEMORY OF YOUR PREVIOUS EXPERIENCES IN MAYFIELD, HENCE ME EXPLAINING THIS SITUATION TO YOU AGAIN AND AGAIN. THIS DOESN'T ALWAYS HAPPEN, THOUGH.

SINCE I'VE BEEN HERE AND AT TIME OF WRITING, I'VE SEEN ~~KANAYA, GAMZEE, TAVROS, NEPETA, AND ERIDAN ONCE, EQUIUS TWICE, AND VRISKA AND TEREZI THREE TIMES~~ ALL OF YOU TOO MANY TIMES OVER TO COUNT, SO THERE'S THAT. BUT THIS IS ALSO NOT MY FIRST TIME HERE AND HAVING ALL RECOLLECTION REMOVED. THE HUMANS FROM THE HUMAN SESSION HAVE COME AND GONE MULTIPLE TIMES, AND NOIR (NOT THE MURDERING ONE, THE STABBING ONE) AND THAT ONE ASSHOLE WHO TYPES IN WHITE SO YOU HAVE TO HIGHLIGHT EVERYTHING HE SAYS TO READ IT HAVE ALSO BEEN PRESENT.

DO NOT DO THINGS THAT ARE ILLEGAL HERE OR YOU WILL BE PANSCRUBBED AND WE'LL ALL HAVE TO DEAL WITH YOU. I'M FUCKING SERIOUS ABOUT THIS. YOU MUST RETURN TO YOUR HIVE EVERY THREE DAYS NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU DISLIKE IT. YOU MUST REGULARLY GET SCHOOLFED OR GO TO YOUR EMPLOYMENT UNIT. YOU MUST NOT CAUSE LOUD AND OBVIOUS TROUBLE NO MATTER HOW DIFFICULT IT IS FOR YOUR SHIT SOAKED SPONGES TO RESTRAIN YOURSELVES. YOU MUST NOT GO AROUND SLOPPILY EXCHANGING DIGESTIVE ORAL FLUIDS WITH EVERY AVAILABLE HUMAN. THAT LAST ONE WILL NOT GET YOU PANSCRUBBED, BUT IT IS EMBARRASSING FOR ALL OF US AS REPRESENTATIVES OF OUR SPECIES WHEN THIS HAPPENS, AND I'M TIRED OF IT, SO JUST DON'T DO IT. IS THAT REALLY SO HARD?

OKAY, MOVING ON. I KNOW IT IS BASICALLY TERRIBLE THAT YOU ARE A HUMAN RIGHT NOW. NONE OF US CAN STAND IT. THERE ARE SO MANY UNFAMILIAR AND DISGUSTING NEW PARTS TO EXPLORE, AND THEY ARE SPONGY AND SOFT AND DON'T HOLD UP WELL TO DAMAGE. I KNOW. FORTUNATELY, THERE ARE THINGS THAT ARE CALLED "REGAINS" WHEREIN OBJECTS THE GAME HAS TAKEN FROM YOU WILL BE RETURNED. OF THE POSSESSIONS YOU ARE LIKELY TO HAVE RETURNED PROMPTLY, YOUR OWN DISGUSTING BODY IS PROBABLY ONE OF THEM, WHICH WILL BE CONVENIENT SO I CAN BETTER PICK YOUR UGLY FACE OUT OF A CROWD. YOU ARE ALSO LIKELY TO GET BACK WEAPONS, PERSONAL POSSESSIONS, THE STUPID SHIT YOU MORONS KEEP LEAVING IN TREASURE CHESTS, YOUR BULLSHIT PILES OF WORTHLESS OBJECTS, AND YOUR LUSUS.

USUALLY THESE REGAINS COME FOLLOWING A DISRUPTION OF NORMAL GAME BEHAVIOR KNOWN AS AN EVENT. THESE ALTERNATE WILDLY BETWEEN INCREDIBLY STUPID EVENTS DESIGNED TO SHAME AND HUMILIATE AND INCREDIBLY DANGEROUS EVENTS WHERE YOU WILL PROBABLY BE MAIMED OR DIE. FORTUNATELY FOR YOU, BASED ON MY ASSUMPTION THAT YOU ARE ONE OF THE TROLLS WHO ARE TOO INCOMPETENT TO LIVE IF YOUR HAND ISN'T BEING HELD THROUGH IT, DEATH IS NOT PERMANENT HERE. AFTER DEATH, YOU WILL BE AUTOMATICALLY RESUSCITATED IN YOUR RESPITEBLOCK AT THE CULMINATION OF THE HUMAN DAY, WHICH OCCURS AT MIDNIGHT. I KNOW THAT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE, THAT IS JUST HOW HUMAN DAYS ARE CALCULATED. DON'T USE THIS FACT AS AN INVITATION TO DIE OR COMMIT POINTLESS MURDERS, I CAN SEE THAT HAPPENING WITH SOME OF YOU AND I'M ALREADY SLAPPING MY CLAW TO MY FACE IN PREEMPTIVE MORTIFICATION THAT WE BELONG TO THE SAME RACE. IT'S A CONVENIENT GAME CONSTRUCT IF WE NEED IT BUT LET'S TRY NOT TO TAKE IT FOR GRANTED, WE STILL DON'T KNOW IF THERE ARE ANY ADDITIONAL CONSEQUENCES FOR ABUSING THE SYSTEM. DURING THESE EVENTS, IT'S LIKELY SOMEONE WILL DIE, AS THEY ARE FREQUENTLY CONSTRUCTED SO AS TO HAVE DEATH AS SOMETHING IMPOSSIBLE TO AVOID. IT'S JUST SOMETHING THAT HAPPENS AND NO ONE NEEDS TO MAKE A BIG THING OUT OF IT OR MAKE POINTLESS CALLS ABOUT IT. THESE EVENTS USUALLY HAPPEN ABOUT ONCE A HUMAN MONTH, AND THEY AREN'T ALL COMPLETELY TERRIBLE. JUST MOST OF THEM ARE.

COMMUNICATION WITHIN THE TOWN GENERALLY OCCURS VIA AUDIO HOOK. IT IS POSSIBLE TO CALL MULTIPLE INDIVIDUALS OR TO SEND AN AUDIO HOOK TO THE TOWN AT LARGE. IF YOU DON'T WANT YOUR OWN BUSINESS BROADCAST FOR EVERYONE TO HEAR ABOUT, LEARN HOW TO FILTER CALLS.

HIVES ARE PLACED ON CERTAIN STREETS. I LIVE, AT TIME OF WRITING, AT 1338 BENNY ROAD, ALONG WITH GAMZEE AND ALSO HUMAN JADE HARLEY AND THIS IDIOT CALLED THE DOCTOR WHO WILL ALSO HELP YOU IF YOU NEED SOMETHING, PROBABLY. SO IF YOU'RE IN A BAD SITUATION NEEDING LEADERLY INTERVENTION YOU CAN COME FIND ME I FUCKING GUESS.

THE MAIN THING IS THAT THIS PLACE IS DANGEROUS AND THERE ARE A LOT OF FRUSTRATING ELEMENTS BUT OVERALL IT ISN'T SO BAD.

OH, RIGHT, AND I FORGOT TO MENTION THAT EVERYONE IS FROM DIFFERENT POINTS ON THE TIMELINE. I THINK I'VE COME TO ACCEPT THE PREVAILING NOTION THAT WE SHOULDN'T BE TALKING ABOUT EVENTS THAT HAVEN'T HAPPENED YET BECAUSE THEY MAKE FUTURE CONVERSATIONS SO MUCH MORE FRUSTRATING TO PARTAKE IN, AND IT'S OBVIOUS THAT OUR WARNINGS NOW WON'T BE ABLE TO IMPACT THE ALPHA TIMELINE ANYWAY. I WOULD ASK YOU TO EXERCIZE GOOD JUDGMENT ON THIS ONE, BUT LOOK AT WHO I'M (PROBABLY) WRITING TO HERE. SO JUST KEEP YOUR WINDTUBE SEALED FOR ONCE.

THAT'S ABOUT EVERYTHING, AND I WILL NOW TAKE YOUR QUESTIONS ASSUMING I JUST STOOD HERE LIKE AN ASSHOLE WHILE YOU READ ALL OF THIS.

POST SCRIPT: ALSO THERE ARE SOME OLDER TROLLS, AND MOST OF THEM ARE THE ANCESTORS OF SOME OF US, ~~BUT NOT ALL ARE~~ OKAY FINE, YOU DUMB FUCKS, BELIEVE WHAT YOU WANT. THEY ARE STRANGE ADULTS AND MOST OF THEM ARE PSYCHOPATHS SO STAY OUT OF THEIR WAY AND DON'T PROVOKE THEM UNLESS ONE OF US SAYS THEY ARE OKAY.