♋ PCG 21; backdated to December 25

[crusthatecean]

[Phone; Action for 842 Hastings]

[Karkat has been staying at Sollux's ever since Gamzee lost his shit midway through the Christmas stuff. He's been keeping a low profile and avoiding everyone except Sollux. He's still sore and impacted by his injuries, which have been stitched and bandaged up but still have left him bruised and hurting. It's less the injuries than his mental state which has led him to keep to himself. But once he notices, the morning of the 25th, that things seem to have gone back to normal, he starts to feel a little better. It takes him until afternoon to make up his mind to make a phone call, but he eventually does.

He still doesn't feel great, but he at least sounds like himself over the phone, if slightly subdued and hesitant.]

So none of us were fakes all along. Imagine that. Imagine, Mayfield, playing games with your pans. There was no way to guess.

...No, sorry, okay, I did not actually make this transmission to give you attitude. Sorry.

I should probably filter this shit, but I have no idea who to filter it to, so if you didn't care about me disappearing, do me a favor and shut the fuck up. Or hassle me, I probably deserve it.

Anyway. I'm sorry.

You won't hear that from me often, so enjoy that, I guess. And now I have shit to deal with, so let's get the hassling over with, much like removing a bandage or taking a nail and driving it efficiently into my ocular globe.

[Filtered to Terezi]

I hope I won't be executed for the crime of calling.

...Okay, that was meant to be a joke, but it was stupid. Can we just pretend I didn't say that?

[Filtered to Gamzee]

I'm coming back to the hive. We really fucking need to talk, so I need you to stay lucid to the extent you can do that before you...before there are problems. How are you right now?

Comments

[miraculls]

Sooooooorry. [attempts to look a little less thrilled

does not succeed, especially once the papping starts]

Yeah? I don't think you've ever fucked up nothing before.

[crusthatecean]

That's generous and unobservant of you.

What I'm trying to say is it was stupid and selfish of me to disappear like that, okay?

[miraculls]

[wow, this is probably the first time anyone's ever apologized to Gamzee for leaving, he looks pretty surprised here! what do you mean this is something someone should feel bad for]

Uhh...if you say so? You gotta do what your heart all up and tells you to, I don't think you did anything wrong.

[crusthatecean]

I already knew apologizing to you was like apologizing to a brick wall.

I feel like I'm constantly drowning in an endless fucking abyss of all the regrets that no one recognizes or accepts. Like, I don't know what universe everyone else is seeing, but it's not the same one I've been living in, because everyone is always saying that. You didn't do anything wrong, it's fine, Karkat, it's fucking fine, it's no big deal, it's not your fault.

I am sorry for so many things you don't think I did wrong. Maybe someday you will realize that, but it doesn't matter to me if you think so or you don't. I am sorry, so please just fucking accept that because I can't live with being the only one who sees any of this.

[miraculls]

[O-oh Karkat...Gamzee still doesn't really understand what he's saying, but he can tell it's serious so now it's his turn for a cheek-papping.]

You can be sorry if you wanna. [God knows Gamzee's still feeling pretty bad about the whole 'tried to cull his best friend' thing....] I'm just telling you straight up that it ain't mattering none what kind of shit you fuck up, I'll always forgive you.

[crusthatecean]

[Having his cheek papped sort of makes him feel embarrassed and uncomfortable, but it's not necessarily a bad feeling.]

I know that.

This is going to sound fucked up but sometimes I think I'd feel better if everyone hated me. But I don't really want that, either. I don't know.