♋ PCG 3

[crusthatecean]

[So, Karkat has been here a few weeks now, experienced his first event, figured out his way around. He's gotten his first regain, which has put him back in his troll body. But he's still not sure exactly what's going on, and he's aware of that to realize that he probably alienated everyone who could tell him.]

[Phone]

...Okay. It's me again, the raging fuckass who accused you all of bringing me here. It's possible that was a hasty conclusion.

Anyway, I know some of you knew the previous me who was here. Normally I try to avoid this kind of thing, but it's starting to get inconvenient, so...I want details. What he did, how he knew you, that kind of shit.

So...let's hear it. If you're willing to help me out, at least. Spare no gory details, I'm used to it.

Comments

[deflowers.livejournal.com]

Raging fuckass?

[she likes that. she's going to take that one for herself, ok.]

[crusthatecean.livejournal.com]

Yeah, yeah, it's been owned to. The leaf has been turned over. Let's let it go and move on.

...I don't even remember losing my shit with you, though, so if that's the case, apology rescinded.

[deflowers.livejournal.com]

I wasn't addressing y'with it, but sure! Apology accepted, ex-raging fuckass. So now you're just a fuckass?

--or maybe an apologetic fuckass.

[crusthatecean.livejournal.com]

Yeah, that's right, I'm an enormous, gelatinous pile of monstrous fucking sincere apologies. Enjoy it all you like, I'm only here to serve.

[deflowers.livejournal.com]

That's amazing~! Okay, I'll have another. You can apologize for being a shit-eating bathroom roach, too.

[crusthatecean.livejournal.com]

Gladly. And while I'm at it, I'll apologize for being a heaving load gaper of stale fuck.

Oh, right, but like I said, I have no idea who you are, so I won't be saying any of that to you.

[deflowers.livejournal.com]

[where has your vocabulary been all her life ok] Oh, we haven't actually met. But when you hand out apologies like some kinda boot-licking dickhead in the fetal position on the other side of the line, I want one, too.

[this is logical ok...]

What did you do so wrong, anyway?

[crusthatecean.livejournal.com]

That would take a long time to explain and also isn't any of your fucking business, and this particular situation isn't the one where dickheaded bootlicking may or may not be called for.

But I figured I would get a head start on distancing myself from the actions of my past self.

this is the worst advice ever

[deflowers.livejournal.com]

Really? You sure that's worth the effort? Well, oh~kay. Let me tell you one thing about people, since I know all about being a raging fuckass.

They don't forgive and forget that easily. You can't just go 'Sorry! I was a cum-stained fuck sponge!' and expect them to go 'Yeah, it's okay, cum-stained fuck sponge! We forgive you!'.

Doesn't work that way, 'cause people are hypocritical. Even if they say it's okay, you've gotta work at it. So you have to accept yourself for being a raging fuckass and then you have to work forever to get their trust back. It's not even worth it.

[crusthatecean.livejournal.com]

Wow! Thanks for all that advice that really applies to me! I can't believe it, it's like you truly understand me and my exact situation based on my vague it's-not-your-fucking-business, and it's suddenly all clear to me now.

No, fuck you. Whether or not that applies at all, which it definitely still not your business, you have no idea what I'm like, and you have no idea what 'people' are like, because my 'people' are an entirely different culture and species than every 'person' you've ever known.

[deflowers.livejournal.com]

Doesn't take a lot to read into 'I have no idea what's going on here'. Even more reason to get with the progr-

[spe...cies... she's just... going to assume you are a god like that other person she met ok WELL THAT'S THE ONLY NON-HUMAN SHE'S MET.] Then you really should try to understand humans. Just because you live in the sky and you can smite people with lightning bolts and shit doesn't mean you can gain their instant forgiveness. Shit, you fucking created people, can't you just magic it all to solve itself?

[crusthatecean.livejournal.com]

...Okay, not going to ask how you knew about my role in that, but you're still making assumptions that aren't true.

The existence of your universe has kind of been a monumental disaster for the remainder of mine, and it's not exactly a quick fix wish on a star kind of fuckup. But that doesn't mean I haven't been doing better at understanding your cultural hangups.

[deflowers.livejournal.com]

Fucking tell me about it. You guys screwed up big time. I mean it's at the point where there's no hope left. Can't you just hit 'reset' on humanity? I mean, everyone's pretty much worthless. As a whole, people are terrible.

[yes kill the entire human race

she's asking nicely ok...]

No offense.

[she doesn't really mean that......] ...'Cultural hangups'?

[crusthatecean.livejournal.com]

Oh, well, you'll be glad to know almost all of you are dead, and there's pretty much no way the remaining humans will ever manage to figure out how to repopulate the species.

Anyway, I take no offense. If anything, it's admirable to recognize your species' failings, and I used to feel the same way you do. Human culture is pretty different and sometimes pretty fucking retarded, which makes it really easy to make a mess of things.

[deflowers.livejournal.com]

Oh. [she hasn't seen the outside world in years; that's surprisingly not so impossible an idea to her.] Well, people are pretty stupid, so.

[a pause.] So it's retarded, but compared to what? How do you guys live?

[crusthatecean.livejournal.com]

Okay, so giving you an entire summary of my planet's history and culture is just not what I'm prepared to do with my time right now. But I never said we weren't retarded. We're plenty retarded, maybe even more than humans.

Anyway, my planet's gone now, too, so who gives a fuck?

[deflowers.livejournal.com]

Wow. You're not very good at this all-powerful being thing, are ya?

[crusthatecean.livejournal.com]

Who said I'm all powerful? If I was all powerful, this situation I'm in would only be mildly impossible to overcome.

[deflowers.livejournal.com]

Right. Your powers are gone and shit like everyone else's I guess?

[crusthatecean.livejournal.com]

Well, that's true.

[deflowers.livejournal.com]

...So no lightning bolts?

[crusthatecean.livejournal.com]

Nope.

...Not yet, at least. You never know, though. One of these days maybe I'll be unleashing my almighty fury on this town. Lightning bolts are kind of asinine, though. I'm more the type of almighty being to unleash floods of putrescent shit maggots to best represent my omnipotent rage.