crusthatecean | ♋ PCG 10; backdated to Thursday

...Oh god, I just realized I never told you about Gamzee. Fuck.

This is really not the time and place for this discussion.

...what about Gamzee?

[what would you rather make out with her than explain things

COME ON KARKAT]

[yes, especially this. It's depressing and he tries not to think about it most of the time, since Gamzee is normal here.]

...Okay. Yeah. We have to talk about this. I explained it to you when you were here last, so I guess I just forgot I never did this time. Fuck.

I don't really know if we're from the same point on the timeline, even. We got separated so it's hard to see if it syncs up. How many bodies have you found?

[all of this time shit and her forgetting her last stay bugs her, too, and she's a little annoyed that he's brought it up, but she doesn't mind answering his other questions.]

Tavros's, Feferi's, Nepeta's and Equius's... A lot of Kanaya's blood. And... [she narrows her eyes.] A note written in Gamzee's blood.

I kept trying to get a hold of you, but I lost my glasses, and when I got back to the lab, you were gone. But then Sollux said you were fine, and... then I got knocked out. And when I woke up, Vrisk-- [it takes some patience and a bit of pride not to immediately accuse Vriska, but] --something had bitten my neck. That's when I began wandering around. Vriska wrote that note. I know it. It was a page from that stupid journal she loves so much- the one her ancestor wrote. I fell through this trap door into this stupid room-

[a pause.] There's a secret room in the lab, did you know that? Hehehe, a bunch of my scalemates were in there and the staircase was all blocked with horns. And my cosplay outfit was there! [then she grows serious again.] I found this record when I was looking for music and I ruined it, I guess. It didn't play. So I changed and took Pyralspite... and then I went up to meet Vriska.

[her shoulders drop.] Then I woke up here.

Okay.

[He sighs and rubs his face; going over all of this is frustrating and he just wants to forget about it, but they should have had this talk already.]

After you left the lab, Eridan came in. He saw Feferi and Sollux together on the horn pile and challenged Sollux to another shitty duel, but this time he actually beat him. He hurt Sollux pretty badly, actually.

Then everything got really fucked up. Feferi tried to stop him from killing Sollux, and he fucking killed her. Kanaya tried to step in, and he destroyed the Matriorb and then he goddamn killed Kanaya, too, and fucked off. I was there the whole time, of course, but you know me, I'm a useless asshole in any situation where anything important is at stake, so I managed fuck all.

I started checking the computer because some shithead who types in white was sending me some pointless gibberish, but then Gamzee started messaging me. Only he was...really really not the Gamzee we know. It's kind of hard to explain but I could tell right away something was horribly wrong with him. He wasn't even typing the same way, and he started going on about how his blood made him better than everyone and how he'd finally woken up to what he was supposed to be and threatening to fucking kill everyone beneath him. I mean, shit, Terezi, I know it sounds crazy, but if you read what he was saying, you would have known he meant all of it.

So I got the fuck out of there with Sollux. I got your message about Tavros, but when I tried to respond, it was Gamzee again. So I got in touch with Equius to go talk some fucking sense into him, highblood douche to highblood douche, and that's the last I heard from anyone. Sollux woke up, but we got separated because I'm a miserable coward, and I wasn't able to find anyone else anywhere. That's pretty much all there is to say on the matter.

Except I can hazard a guess as to who took out Equius and Nepeta, and who wrote that note, and it probably wasn't Vriska.

...Eridan? [her expression is rather blank as Karkat explains away Feferi's and Kanaya's deaths. she doesn't know what to make of it. she'd just been talking to him on the phone the other day. the news isn't surprising, but... well, maybe she'd thought that the rest of them weren't as bad as Vriska, that they'd at least be able to keep their shit together because they were all fucked anyway.

as for what he says about Gamzee, she goes very still. she trusts Karkat- she really does; trusts him more than anyone else- but what he's saying just doesn't seem right. it seems so utterly abstract that it launches itself right into the realm of absurdity. Gamzee? no, it couldn't have been Gamzee. she remembers how sick she had felt when she'd seen the note was written in his blood. how she had a hard time believing Vriska could have harmed Gamzee of all people. Gamzee, who was the gentlest of them all.]

...About Nepeta... [she doesn't bother with Equius; Nepeta was a better friend to them both.] I thought you knew. I should've said it in a better way.

[but she couldn't have known, and her words drop off. she doesn't even want to acknowledge the part about Gamzee. doesn't want to acknowledge that it couldn't have been Vriska. Terezi's expression has taken on a very lost look.]

It's okay. I did know; you told me last time.

[He puts his hand on hers and squeezes. It's all so fucked up, and he wouldn't blame her for not believing it. He doesn't want to believe it himself, but he just knew.]

One of the doomed Aradias warned me about him. Gamzee, I mean. She said she came from a timeline where he'd killed all of us. I didn't take it seriously, because I mean...it's fucking Gamzee. But I think I was supposed to do something to stop it from happening. I don't know.

[her unseeing eyes widen at that. her voice is soft.] But... why? What could have happened that would make him want to hurt us?

[she puts a hand against her mouth and murmurs behind it.] And so Vriska... she didn't lie to me...? She only claimed responsibility for Tavros...

He ran out of sopor. I think it kept things under control or something. For what it's worth, I can't really think of it as his fault. He sounded like he'd just really fucking lost it.

I have no idea about Vriska, but that sounds right.

I was going to kill her.

[she looks sightlessly down at her lap; she doesn't seem to realize that her eyes are faintly misty.] I was ready to kill her and I didn't know if I really wanted to. How dumb is that? Even though I knew it was the right thing to do.

I saw something, you know.

[she brushes her fingers across her temples.] Here.

Yeah?

[He doesn't know how to feel about that; Vriska has been a danger to them from the beginning, and he knows whatever she's been up to since they've reached the lab, it won't be any good.

He can't judge Terezi for deciding to kill her. It's probably the right decision, the kind of decision a real leader would make. But it's not the one he would have made, which is probably part of the reason he's so terrible at the leadership thing, now that he thinks about it.

Still, it makes him happy in a small way, that she didn't want to. When he wavers, he knows it's because he's weak, but if she's wavering too, it's something he can respect.]

What was it?

I saw myself hesitate. And she flew away, and Jack killed her. Of course he killed her. And then all he had to do was follow her trail back to us.

...

And I saw...

[she doesn't even want to think about it, the awful vision of the death that could have been and might still happen. deaths that already happened on that same doomed path in yet another timeline fated to end horribly.

but hearing and knowing about doomed timelines is very different from having a vision of one, and just recalling it is making her feel sick. it isn't her own death that bothers her, but the sheer brutality of what it had been (could be), the horrible scent of Karkat's blood pouring out of him and what had run through her mind right then:

it's my fault.

it would have been her fault for hesitating, for being weak, and so Terezi had resolved herself to kill Vriska, her own reasons for being reluctant to do so evaporating in the face of what the vision had given her.

but she doesn't know how to say it aloud, what she saw.]

I had-- I have to stop it from happening. [she clenches her hands together on her lap, and decides that it's better to just be blunt about it, as she is with everything else.] I saw us die together, Karkat. You were so close but I couldn't even reach out to you. I couldn't do anything. [suddenly she's glad she can't see anything at all. it makes it easier to pretend he can't see her face, either.] And I can't let that happen to us. If I don't kill Vriska, Jack will come back and kill us all.

So I have to. Even though I didn't want to- maybe I still don't want to- I'm going to kill her. [though she sounds tired and distant, there is the same old iron conviction in her voice.]

[He can see her face, though, and even though she's being strong, he thinks about how he'd feel in that situation. He knows how he'd feel, actually, because he's felt every mistake he's made and every death that resulted from one so far. Ever since Gamzee messaged from her account, ever since he found that horrible note telling him to meet her on the roof, he's wondered if he hadn't already failed her, too.

It hurt him, and she's so strong, but it's hurt her, too.

He wraps his arms around her back, giving her the privacy to not meet his eyes if she'd rather not, but still holding her close.]

Okay.

I'm not going to act like some fucking expert here, but the thing is that I just...I just think that if that's the decision you're going to make, then I know it's the right one.

[she buries her face in his shoulder, and she's greatly comforted by his words. Terezi still looks to Karkat for guidance- she's always respected him as a leader. he'd been the one she wanted to talk to about her struggling with the decision to kill Vriska- not Dave. Dave could be there for her on some things, but he hadn't understood the gravity of it. Karkat would have. and he does, she thinks. he understands even now, and she feels an overwhelming rush of attachment to him.]

Hn... Thank you, Karkat. [his reassurance is all she needs, really. if Karkat thinks it's the right thing, then it is, and Terezi knows it. she can't let fate fall the way it did in her vision because of her own hesitation.

she can't watch him die again.

she lifts her head, offering a tiny if somewhat sad smile.]

[He smiles a little too at her expression, although she can't see it. He really does know she would make the right decision; he's worried about her, but maybe less than about some of the others. He trusts her judgment and ability to take care of herself, and only worries to the extent that he just cares about her.

But if he managed to help her in some way, even if it was just a small thing, he's happy about that.]

I guess that means we were the Alpha timeline after all. After I lost track of everyone, I started to think we weren't. There are still some things that don't make sense about that.

[she nods and murmurs darkly.] Like what we're all doing here on the human planet.

[she puts her hands on top of his, gently.] But I almost think we're... safer here than we were before.

Yeah. For all the fucked up stuff this place pulls, everyone always comes back from the dead.

Anyway, Gamzee seems fine for now as a human. If he becomes a troll again, though, I'll take care of it.

How are you going to take care of it?

[but that has her thinking about Vriska. what if she gets her god tier powers back...? what then?]

I'll figure out a way to get my claws on some sopor. I think that might be enough.

If not, well...I don't know. But I'll figure something out.

[He'd like to think he'd make the same decision she was making; that if he had to kill Gamzee to save the others, he would.

But he's not sure, if it came down to it, he'd be able to do something like that. Not to Gamzee.]

[she nods; she won't ask him to explain more than that, because she thinks she already knows what's going through his head.]

I know you will.

Whatever happens, he's my responsibility.

[He sighs.]

This is such a fucking mess. Aren't you glad we have to talk through all of this awful shit?

Glad? Hehe... [a pause.] Well, I'm... glad you listened. [it's been weighing heavily on her shoulders ever since she got here.] And I'm here to listen to everything you have to say, too. I'll even save my judgements and nooses for later.

Even if it is pretty awful shit.

Yeah.

Well, at least it's out of the way. I don't think there's anything else from my timeline that needs to be talked about.

[Yes, Karkat, nothing has gone left unsaid between them at all.]

Yeah.

[yes, nothing at all.

they are terrible at this.]

[Still holding on to her...

Okay so now how to transition this trainwreck back to the original objective. He wishes he were maybe a little bit cooler or maybe a little less of the kind of person where romantic moments so easily turn into discussing which of your friends are on murderous rampages at the moment.

Awkward.]

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