♋ PCG 14

[crusthatecean]

[Action; 1668 Benny Road]

[So, for the past few days, Karkat has been feeling vaguely off; just occasionally sneezing or rubbing his eyes. His troll self doesn't have allergies, so he doesn't really know what's going on, but as a human, he's definitely feeling it.

Finally, he wakes up one morning feeling sick enough that the female human drone doesn't drag him out of bed in the morning but instead calls school forces him to stay in bed. Anyone in the house can probably hear him swearing at her and occasionally trying to escape in the morning before he ultimately just gives up.]

[Phone; Later]

[Spending an entire day sitting around feeling miserable is really frustrating to him. So instead of being sick like a normal person, he spends the entire day drawing up a ridiculously complicated plan, and now he's calling about it. You can definitely hear from his voice that he's under the weather, though.]

Hey. So, considering the high frequency of situations involving dangerous undead hordes, inducements to kill each other, or just general examples of everything not bothering to stop for breaks on the road to catastrophe at all times, it's kind of surprising in a witness the clearest example of the failings of the human race sort of way that there isn't any system in place for what we're supposed to do. We have brand new clueless assholes showing up at least once a month and if they happen to get stuck in the wrong hive and don't know anyone who'll hold their hand through everything, we're saying they're shit out of luck. Oh, yeah, please call in and ask why I use hive instead of house and wonder if I'm a bee, that will be so helpful.

I don't particularly care about anyone clueless and new, but the odds are some of you do, right? And if not, just think that you might get panscrubbed (okay, droned, is that clear enough for you) and then you'll be the asshole with no idea what's going on.

Anyway, what I want is to hear from someone in every house in Mayfield. Let me know who in your sickening fake family unit can actually fight, who is a fucking psychopath we need to avoid at all costs, and whether or not you're willing to take in anyone extra next time everything goes to hell. I'll get the information out there when I have it so maybe it will be useful to someone unlike everything else anyone does around here.

If you call in with attempts to rile me up, observations that my alien culture isn't exactly the same as your own and that is somehow humorous, or anything that isn't on topic, I'm hanging up, so just answer the question.

Comments

phone;

[perfectandelegant]

I've used my house as a safehouse before and am glad to do so again should friends need. I can certainly try to take in extras. I'm skilled with fighting with a knife and have the ability to stop time for short periods; my 'husband' is a talented magician who's invaluable when it comes to securing a house.

[chastesaw]

I'm impressed, Karkat. This is a very sound and, dare I say, leaderly proposition of you.

...not to imply that your procedures and plans are not generally leaderly and sound. Because they are. But this is, as well.

[Filtered]

[godisachild.livejournal.com]

502 Ricardo.

I could fight except some jerkoff blew up my mech, so I can't right now. The sister/daughter role in my house can actually give people powers so they can fight. Far as I know, she isn't the kind of crazy to attack someone for no reason. Neither am I [now]. Got a new dad, but haven't spoken with him, so dunno on that end.

I'm willing to take someone in if they aren't annoying and don't get in my way much or touch my crap. Or try to socialize with me when I tell them to get bent.

[crusthatecean.livejournal.com]

Okay. Name and address would be helpful, but I'm glad we're getting off to a productive start.

[crusthatecean.livejournal.com]

Thanks for being aware of just how backhanded everything you just said was.

Not that you normally go around kicking my fragile ego in the bulge on most occasions without a second thought or anything.

[crusthatecean.livejournal.com]

Fair enough. I'm not asking you to like anyone, just to put up with them for a few days. Name?

PHONE

[bullsit.livejournal.com]

Oh, uh, yeah, I get asked the bee thing, a lot too, it is maybe a little, uh, infuriating, but it's not really a problem, once you explain, that I neither live, um, under a bridge, nor make honey.

[THAT IS NOT ON TOPIC AT ALL TAVROS..]

[perfectandelegant]

Sakuya Izayoi, 1647 Albright Lane.

phone; filtered private

[eternalfuture]

Beware The Major at 1667 Benny Road. He's a psycho who will willingly sit there and watch someone else die.

[godisachild.livejournal.com]

Pokey Minch. The sister is named Clod, don't know if she actually has a last name.

Not the last name that'll be on the house either, but screw that. I really don't care.

[chastesaw]

Did it really come off that way? I was being very genuine and not at all attempting to do that.

[crusthatecean.livejournal.com]

Great.

If there's someone in your area needing a safe place to go, can I give them your information?

[perfectandelegant]

By all means.

[crusthatecean.livejournal.com]

I know you were being genuine. I was just sarcastically mirroring your sentence construction because I feel like shit.

I guess I have to put your hive down under resident psychopath, don't I?

[crusthatecean.livejournal.com]

I'm not keeping track by fake last name, so it doesn't matter.

Okay, thanks for replying with actual useful comments.

Phone [ Filtered to Karkat ]

[brotherseyes.livejournal.com]

I was thinking we needed something like this.

My name is Anna Liebert. I live at 836 Hastings Boulevard. I can use a gun and I'm a blackbelt in martial arts. I don't mind taking in extra people if it becomes necessary.

The others living with me are Rarity, Xion, Equius -- he talks a lot like you; I'm guessing you must be from the same planet? -- and... my brother Johan.

Johan can use a gun, too. He... he can...

[There's a long pause and a hard swallowing sound.]

He can be very dangerous, but as long as I'm here, he will listen to me. He's been trying very hard lately to behave himself, and I know he's sincere about wanting to change. But if something does happen to me, if I'm droned permanently or taken away from him, I don't know what he might do. If something does happen to me... please, warn everyone. But I'd appreciate it if you didn't say anything about him right now.

[crusthatecean.livejournal.com]

Tavros, were you even paying attention? This is the definition of an off topic comment.

[godisachild.livejournal.com]

Yeah yeah.

I'm getting tired of the stupid bullcrap of this town. At least someone is making a list that could be productive.

[crusthatecean.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I've heard. Didn't have his address, but he's definitely going on the shithive list.

ooc;

[eternalfuture]

[dskjk why do I always think it's Benny Road when it's Nelson Street? /fails.]

Phone

[dancingapricot.livejournal.com]

Uh. Hey. I'm Téa. I live at 845 Goldberg Street? I don't mind taking in extra people.

...

You know, maybe people wouldn't harass you so much if you didn't swear and whine at them.

[crusthatecean.livejournal.com]

[Yeah, this doesn't phase him at all. He may or may not also be hiding the existence of a dangerous serial killer because he believes he can keep him from killing, and anyway, in his culture, there's a whole quadrant just for this kind of thing.]

Equius is one of us, yeah.

I might not be sending anyone your way if that's all true. There's too much risk if you get hurt. But Equius can handle himself, so it's not so much of a problem there.

I won't tell anyone if there's nothing to say.

[crusthatecean.livejournal.com]

Or maybe people have harassed me so much that I know swearing is the only way to discourage them from calling in droves to share their criticisms for my speaking methods.

Can you at least answer the other part? Can anyone in your hive fight and is there anyone there who is dangerous?

[brotherseyes.livejournal.com]

[She is so relieved that he's not freaking out. It's audible in her voice, which is lighter now from its tenseness before.]

Oh, you know him?

I understand. That's probably for the best. Let me know if there's anything else I can do to help.

Thank you.

[dancingapricot.livejournal.com]

You still shouldn't swear on the phone. Little kids could hear this! And it's not anyone else's fault if they don't know what you mean.

Yeah, sure. It's just me, my friend, um, Ryo in the husband slot, and some of those drone thingies. There's nobody dangerous here. I know a little bit of self-defense but not very much. Ryo can't really fight.