♋ PCG 14

[crusthatecean]

[Action; 1668 Benny Road]

[So, for the past few days, Karkat has been feeling vaguely off; just occasionally sneezing or rubbing his eyes. His troll self doesn't have allergies, so he doesn't really know what's going on, but as a human, he's definitely feeling it.

Finally, he wakes up one morning feeling sick enough that the female human drone doesn't drag him out of bed in the morning but instead calls school forces him to stay in bed. Anyone in the house can probably hear him swearing at her and occasionally trying to escape in the morning before he ultimately just gives up.]

[Phone; Later]

[Spending an entire day sitting around feeling miserable is really frustrating to him. So instead of being sick like a normal person, he spends the entire day drawing up a ridiculously complicated plan, and now he's calling about it. You can definitely hear from his voice that he's under the weather, though.]

Hey. So, considering the high frequency of situations involving dangerous undead hordes, inducements to kill each other, or just general examples of everything not bothering to stop for breaks on the road to catastrophe at all times, it's kind of surprising in a witness the clearest example of the failings of the human race sort of way that there isn't any system in place for what we're supposed to do. We have brand new clueless assholes showing up at least once a month and if they happen to get stuck in the wrong hive and don't know anyone who'll hold their hand through everything, we're saying they're shit out of luck. Oh, yeah, please call in and ask why I use hive instead of house and wonder if I'm a bee, that will be so helpful.

I don't particularly care about anyone clueless and new, but the odds are some of you do, right? And if not, just think that you might get panscrubbed (okay, droned, is that clear enough for you) and then you'll be the asshole with no idea what's going on.

Anyway, what I want is to hear from someone in every house in Mayfield. Let me know who in your sickening fake family unit can actually fight, who is a fucking psychopath we need to avoid at all costs, and whether or not you're willing to take in anyone extra next time everything goes to hell. I'll get the information out there when I have it so maybe it will be useful to someone unlike everything else anyone does around here.

If you call in with attempts to rile me up, observations that my alien culture isn't exactly the same as your own and that is somehow humorous, or anything that isn't on topic, I'm hanging up, so just answer the question.

Comments

phone;

[perfectandelegant]

I've used my house as a safehouse before and am glad to do so again should friends need. I can certainly try to take in extras. I'm skilled with fighting with a knife and have the ability to stop time for short periods; my 'husband' is a talented magician who's invaluable when it comes to securing a house.

[crusthatecean.livejournal.com]

Okay. Name and address would be helpful, but I'm glad we're getting off to a productive start.

[chastesaw]

I'm impressed, Karkat. This is a very sound and, dare I say, leaderly proposition of you.

...not to imply that your procedures and plans are not generally leaderly and sound. Because they are. But this is, as well.

[crusthatecean.livejournal.com]

Thanks for being aware of just how backhanded everything you just said was.

Not that you normally go around kicking my fragile ego in the bulge on most occasions without a second thought or anything.

[Filtered]

[godisachild.livejournal.com]

502 Ricardo.

I could fight except some jerkoff blew up my mech, so I can't right now. The sister/daughter role in my house can actually give people powers so they can fight. Far as I know, she isn't the kind of crazy to attack someone for no reason. Neither am I [now]. Got a new dad, but haven't spoken with him, so dunno on that end.

I'm willing to take someone in if they aren't annoying and don't get in my way much or touch my crap. Or try to socialize with me when I tell them to get bent.

[crusthatecean.livejournal.com]

Fair enough. I'm not asking you to like anyone, just to put up with them for a few days. Name?

PHONE

[bullsit.livejournal.com]

Oh, uh, yeah, I get asked the bee thing, a lot too, it is maybe a little, uh, infuriating, but it's not really a problem, once you explain, that I neither live, um, under a bridge, nor make honey.

[THAT IS NOT ON TOPIC AT ALL TAVROS..]

[crusthatecean.livejournal.com]

Tavros, were you even paying attention? This is the definition of an off topic comment.

phone; filtered private

[eternalfuture]

Beware The Major at 1667 Benny Road. He's a psycho who will willingly sit there and watch someone else die.

[crusthatecean.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I've heard. Didn't have his address, but he's definitely going on the shithive list.

Phone [ Filtered to Karkat ]

[brotherseyes.livejournal.com]

I was thinking we needed something like this.

My name is Anna Liebert. I live at 836 Hastings Boulevard. I can use a gun and I'm a blackbelt in martial arts. I don't mind taking in extra people if it becomes necessary.

The others living with me are Rarity, Xion, Equius -- he talks a lot like you; I'm guessing you must be from the same planet? -- and... my brother Johan.

Johan can use a gun, too. He... he can...

[There's a long pause and a hard swallowing sound.]

He can be very dangerous, but as long as I'm here, he will listen to me. He's been trying very hard lately to behave himself, and I know he's sincere about wanting to change. But if something does happen to me, if I'm droned permanently or taken away from him, I don't know what he might do. If something does happen to me... please, warn everyone. But I'd appreciate it if you didn't say anything about him right now.

[crusthatecean.livejournal.com]

[Yeah, this doesn't phase him at all. He may or may not also be hiding the existence of a dangerous serial killer because he believes he can keep him from killing, and anyway, in his culture, there's a whole quadrant just for this kind of thing.]

Equius is one of us, yeah.

I might not be sending anyone your way if that's all true. There's too much risk if you get hurt. But Equius can handle himself, so it's not so much of a problem there.

I won't tell anyone if there's nothing to say.

Phone

[dancingapricot.livejournal.com]

Uh. Hey. I'm Téa. I live at 845 Goldberg Street? I don't mind taking in extra people.

...

You know, maybe people wouldn't harass you so much if you didn't swear and whine at them.

[crusthatecean.livejournal.com]

Or maybe people have harassed me so much that I know swearing is the only way to discourage them from calling in droves to share their criticisms for my speaking methods.

Can you at least answer the other part? Can anyone in your hive fight and is there anyone there who is dangerous?

[photonicfighter]

That's... a pretty good idea.

Alright. I'm Dakki Sigal. Here at 458 Stone Street, we've got two fighters. There's me, and there's the "father", Falk Gatt. We've also got a daughter here, and a... cat? A cat. Both are harmless.

We're getting a little short on space, but I've got no problem with taking someone in for a while.

[Then a pause, and she lapses out of the serious voice and into an incredulous one.]

Do that many people give you crap for being non-human and non-local? Fff....

[crusthatecean.livejournal.com]

All the fucking time. Constant comments about my word choice even though to me, human terms are the ones that are strange.

If there's someone in your area who needs a hand, can I give them your information?

[a1a100.livejournal.com]

Buth buth.

[Don't mind him, he's just being a nuisance like always.]

[crusthatecean.livejournal.com]

You've just won the competition for worst and most off topic conversation so far. I hope you're happy. And your prize is here, it's a big healthy heaping of fuck you and the sound of my audio hook disconnection tone.

[Hangs up.]

[foalingaround.livejournal.com]

Name's Rainbow Dash, and I live over at 1665 Nelson. We've got a couple of kids with us, but I can fight and so can the other lady that lives with us. We can take in pretty much anypony as long as they don't start anything.

[crusthatecean.livejournal.com]

Are you one of the horses.

[walking-nuke.livejournal.com]

This is Balin Wilbur, from'a house over on 847 Goldberg Street. As of right now, we got three people in'a household, an' only two of us can fight, I think. Me an'a "wife," Virginia Maxwell.

We're both good with guns, an' I'm a Demolitionist.

[A beat.]

If you're lookin' for intel on dangerous people in town, best place to start would be'a trophy room at'a roller rink if you don't know about it already. Lists all the people who murdered somebody durin'a "spring culling" incident a few months ago. Like back in May, somebody told me.

Far as I'm concerned? Anyone on'at list is a potential threat an' easily manipulated by'a town until I get proof otherwise.

[crusthatecean.livejournal.com]

I was here for that. I don't know how many of those people are still here or what their addresses are, but it's not a bad start.

If there's anyone new in your area, can I send them your way?

[ooeeooahah]

This is Ilsa Higa, I'm at 1490 Kramden, and yes, we have defensive capabilities here. My assigned mate is a flamethrower tech, and my alpha is usually here - e builds a wide range of weapons. The children are dro-, panscrubbed now, but we can shelter up to ten here.

I also keep copies of the latest pamphlet and map handy for newcomers.

You sound like you don't feel well, hon - how are you doing?

[crusthatecean.livejournal.com]

I'm being quarantined against my will, but besides that, I'm fine.

I'll send anyone in your area your direction then, that sounds solid. I haven't seen this pamphlet, would you mind if I got a copy? I've been keeping my own, but it's pretty troll-centric and probably useless to humans.

[miraculls.livejournal.com]

[Gamzee has vaguely figured out by now that he can get away with not going to school a couple of times and have nothing bad happen to him. Not that he dislikes school, he just doesn't like it when teachers try to force him to learn about science and then wake him up while he's napping. And hey, drone mom seems pretty insistent on Karkat staying home, so today must be a skip school day!

Plus he wants to stay home to play some more with the puppy he found on the streets and stashed away in his room a few days ago that surely has nothing to do with Karkat's sudden and mysterious illness. But first he pokes his head through Karkat's door to check up on him.]

You okay, best friend? Heard from the female starmonkey custodian that you ain't feeling too swell.

[crusthatecean.livejournal.com]

She's gone completely shithive and is trapping me in here against my will. Why aren't you at schoolhive, fuckhead? You're going to get panscrubbed.

[Sniffling and grabbing a tissue from under his massive pile of blankets. His eyes are red and watery, too, it's pretty obvious he's sick.]

[worstvikingever]

Might as well, I guess. This is Hiccup at 729 Anderson, and I can fight and so can Klaus... I dunno about Dexter. We're all good at building stuff, and I've got the forge and I take weapon commissions, so. There's all that.

[crusthatecean.livejournal.com]

Great, I'll put you down. Can I send work your way if someone needs it?

[foretastes.livejournal.com]

Karkat, you sound like shit! [so blunt.] Also, I am going to ignore your obsessive leader thing for a moment to address something else.

[crusthatecean.livejournal.com]

Terezi, I specifically said no off topic discussion would be permitted, but given your past history I'm not even surprised. No.

[But he's not hanging up...]

[echidna]

[ Jade is still sort of wary about skipping school, but it sounds like Karkat is having some trouble, so it's worth the risk. Once the coast is clear, Jade slips into his room. ]

Karkat? Is everything alright?

[crusthatecean.livejournal.com]

No, it's not.

[Sneezing a little.]

The fucking human lusus has gone off the deep end.

[lamingtons]

Sure thing, mate! I'm at 750 Partridge Drive with Wog-babe- ah, I mean Romana and the Principality of Wy! None of us are dangerous psychopaths most of the time and me and Romananana can fight! We'd be happy to take in any nippers who need a hand too.

[... Shouldn't you ask Romana and Wy about that first, Australia?]

By the way, how's Percy?

[crusthatecean.livejournal.com]

I'll put you down and send anyone in your area that direction.

I don't know anyone by that name, but my lusus is fine. He was fighting off my drone lusus to rescue me, but now he's a traitor and co-guard to my imprisonment. Same as always.

[thug-disease.livejournal.com]

Yamame can fight! Yamame can fight! I can probably beat you up, too!

Hehehehe!

[crusthatecean.livejournal.com]

What's your address?

[made-this-town.livejournal.com]

Don't send anybody my way unless you want them stabbed kid. Playing babysitter for your dumbshit little pals is bad enough.

[crusthatecean.livejournal.com]

I wasn't planning on it at all.

[nosoul-nomind.livejournal.com]

I'm at 457 Stone and I can fight. Dunno about the rest of the house. I don't think they do, but I can make up for them.

[crusthatecean.livejournal.com]

Okay. Name?

[stealsluck.livejournal.com]

Wow, oh great leader, you sound like shit. And I mean more than just stupid shit coming out of your mouth.

[crusthatecean.livejournal.com]

What's your address again?

[adropofjupiter.livejournal.com]

I'm at 1125 Taylor with Spades. Feferi says you all know the psycho.

Anyways, I'm a witch, so I've got a ton of magic and can fly.

[crusthatecean.livejournal.com]

Oh, right. I'm not sending anyone your way with him around. Maybe some of my team.

[smallestgrave.livejournal.com]

This seems like a very good idea.

My name is Alice Eliott. I can't really fight that well, but I am a rather skilled healer. I certainly wouldn't mind treating the injured in a crisis.

[crusthatecean.livejournal.com]

Oh. That's useful, too. I should have thought to ask that.

Okay, what's your address?

Phone

[viridian-knight.livejournal.com]

Good, I'm glad someone's doing this. This is Hal Jordan at 1491 Kramden Road, we took in refugees when the zombies were attacking.

I can fight, generally with whatever I can get my hands on. My wi- er, housemate-pseudo "wife" has a black belt and some proficiency with firearms. It's just us, so there's more than enough room if we need to house anyone again.

I'm a fireman here, so I have access to a great deal of equipment and medical supplies. I'm trained in first aid, but I'll leave anything complicated in the hands of a doctor.

[crusthatecean.livejournal.com]

Okay, that's all helpful. Can I send anyone in your area to your house in the event of more bullshit raining down on our heads?

[fatedmagica.livejournal.com]

Um... My family... One time that something happened, my father here gave me a, um, gun and... and my sister has "Pokemon" that are useful, um... We can take people in too, I'm sure, but... I'd have to ask first...

I think a system sounds like a good idea, though. Thanks for suggesting it...

[crusthatecean.livejournal.com]

[He can tell from the hesitation in her voice that she's probably not a fighter, and he's not a big believer in sugarcoating, but he also appreciates her trying to help.]

Thanks.

I think you should probably ask. Just because you can defend yourself doesn't mean you'll be useful keeping others safe.