Karkat Vantas (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
crusthatecean) wrote2011-10-19 12:06 pm
crusthatecean) wrote2011-10-19 12:06 pm
♋ PCG 15
[Action; High School Cafeteria]
[Lunchtime in the cafeteria! Everyone is heading off to sit at the tables appropriate to their social circle as usual.
But wait, what's this? In the middle of the cafeteria, a raised platform has been set up using spare milk crates, on top of which are two of the cafeteria chairs! Yes, this is where Terezi and Karkat are taking their lunch while wearing the Homecoming King and Queen sashes and crowns they were awarded at the dance. Terezi being in the king sash and Karkat wearing a lovely queen tiara.
She seems to be enjoying herself, while Karkat is just glaring at passerby while eating his cafeteria food.]
Okay! As your Homecoming King, it is only right for me to begin my reign as your heroic and just new ruler immediately. Things are going to change around here, okay? Hehehe!
First of all, all law enforcement now answers to me. Second of all, all law enforcement is now fired. Third of all, I am now the law. Any questions? No? Okay!
I will begin accepting tribute right about... [Terezi pauses for a few seconds.] Now. I accept tribute in the form of chalk, blood, human money, colorful sweaters, and living sacrifices. Hehehe, just kidding about that last part! Probably!
You will refer to me as either King Terezi, GC, or Her Mighty Dragonyyyd! I will accept no less. If I hear otherwise, I will bring my beastly claws down upon you and hang you in my tree. As your ruler, I have complete rights to your pasty, fragile throats!
Another thing! You will also respect my adorabloodthirsty and elegant Queen, Karkat. Except you lowly ones must refer to him as Great Leader, or I will kill you! Hahahahahaha! [Terezi cackles, tilting her head back to laugh. And then abruptly stops laughing.] No, really, I will kill you.
[At this point, Karkat stops grinding his teeth on an apple to look up.]
Oh my god. Can you please, just for a minute, shut the fuck up?
As soon as I am done talking, Karkat, I promise you sixty entire seconds of silence. I will give you that.
[A grin. It is predatory.] Any questions?
[Phone; Public]
[Well! Karkat is making a very loud, public, and in no way coerced announcement over the phone this afternoon. Also, he is clearly by himself doing this. There is certainly no one audibly whispering and cackling in the background.]
Okay, nook gazers, time to drop everything you're doing and tune into the audio hook, because I have a confession to make bound to end in my humiliation, and you have the privilege of listening to me squirm.
That's right. I'm calling to inform literally the entire town, for whatever reason it may have entered my pan to do so, that I am just so flushed for my good bro Sollux Captor.
Karkat, say something about his eyes!
Why, you ask? That's a good question.
Mention that his hacking skills make you all tight in your windtube!!
After all, a normal human or troll would look at Sollux and rightly recognize that he looks like a fang pick grew arms and legs and a smug sense of self-superiority, and his personality is so repugnant that it has developed an odor somewhat reminiscent of grubsauce left out in the sun for a perigee until it has grown a furry yellowish green film. Those are very good points you're making there, and I don't have a response to that at all.
Don't forget something like 'I want to roll in his mind honey for sweeps!'
Do you file your elbows to get them that pointy? Get off me. I guess it's true what they say, that redrom is blind, much like the way someone would have to be blind to find anything redeeming about Sollux's ugly face, or alternatively much like certain vicious cackling constant pains in my ass may be blind.
No, tell him he's the wings beneath your wind!!
It's wind beneath my wings! Also, fuck no. Just let me get this over with!
[There's a brief sound of a scuffle for the phone as well as more cackling laughter.]
Ugh. So, Sollux, do you return my feelings? Please say yes so I can finally kill myself in disgust.
[Karkat is in grey and Terezi is in teal! We won't be sticking to the same thread order in every thread.]
[Lunchtime in the cafeteria! Everyone is heading off to sit at the tables appropriate to their social circle as usual.
But wait, what's this? In the middle of the cafeteria, a raised platform has been set up using spare milk crates, on top of which are two of the cafeteria chairs! Yes, this is where Terezi and Karkat are taking their lunch while wearing the Homecoming King and Queen sashes and crowns they were awarded at the dance. Terezi being in the king sash and Karkat wearing a lovely queen tiara.
She seems to be enjoying herself, while Karkat is just glaring at passerby while eating his cafeteria food.]
Okay! As your Homecoming King, it is only right for me to begin my reign as your heroic and just new ruler immediately. Things are going to change around here, okay? Hehehe!
First of all, all law enforcement now answers to me. Second of all, all law enforcement is now fired. Third of all, I am now the law. Any questions? No? Okay!
I will begin accepting tribute right about... [Terezi pauses for a few seconds.] Now. I accept tribute in the form of chalk, blood, human money, colorful sweaters, and living sacrifices. Hehehe, just kidding about that last part! Probably!
You will refer to me as either King Terezi, GC, or Her Mighty Dragonyyyd! I will accept no less. If I hear otherwise, I will bring my beastly claws down upon you and hang you in my tree. As your ruler, I have complete rights to your pasty, fragile throats!
Another thing! You will also respect my adorabloodthirsty and elegant Queen, Karkat. Except you lowly ones must refer to him as Great Leader, or I will kill you! Hahahahahaha! [Terezi cackles, tilting her head back to laugh. And then abruptly stops laughing.] No, really, I will kill you.
[At this point, Karkat stops grinding his teeth on an apple to look up.]
Oh my god. Can you please, just for a minute, shut the fuck up?
As soon as I am done talking, Karkat, I promise you sixty entire seconds of silence. I will give you that.
[A grin. It is predatory.] Any questions?
[Phone; Public]
[Well! Karkat is making a very loud, public, and in no way coerced announcement over the phone this afternoon. Also, he is clearly by himself doing this. There is certainly no one audibly whispering and cackling in the background.]
Okay, nook gazers, time to drop everything you're doing and tune into the audio hook, because I have a confession to make bound to end in my humiliation, and you have the privilege of listening to me squirm.
That's right. I'm calling to inform literally the entire town, for whatever reason it may have entered my pan to do so, that I am just so flushed for my good bro Sollux Captor.
Karkat, say something about his eyes!
Why, you ask? That's a good question.
Mention that his hacking skills make you all tight in your windtube!!
After all, a normal human or troll would look at Sollux and rightly recognize that he looks like a fang pick grew arms and legs and a smug sense of self-superiority, and his personality is so repugnant that it has developed an odor somewhat reminiscent of grubsauce left out in the sun for a perigee until it has grown a furry yellowish green film. Those are very good points you're making there, and I don't have a response to that at all.
Don't forget something like 'I want to roll in his mind honey for sweeps!'
Do you file your elbows to get them that pointy? Get off me. I guess it's true what they say, that redrom is blind, much like the way someone would have to be blind to find anything redeeming about Sollux's ugly face, or alternatively much like certain vicious cackling constant pains in my ass may be blind.
No, tell him he's the wings beneath your wind!!
It's wind beneath my wings! Also, fuck no. Just let me get this over with!
[There's a brief sound of a scuffle for the phone as well as more cackling laughter.]
Ugh. So, Sollux, do you return my feelings? Please say yes so I can finally kill myself in disgust.
[Karkat is in grey and Terezi is in teal! We won't be sticking to the same thread order in every thread.]
Cafeteria
Holy shit that is one ugly queen.
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[Coming on over and landing on her shoulder
and bracing for licking/sniffing]Yeah, you're the ugliest great leader I've ever seen too.
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No, sorry, humans don't lick birds so it's pretty much just her germs.
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And for your information, I've been eating burgers and pizza, which has got to be at least 10% more sanitary than roadkill.
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[Even if he totally freaked the fuck out about it the first time TZ licked him]
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Don't tempt me.
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Obviously the only solution here is a shitty montage where we teach you how to not be such an enormous raging bag of hatedouche.
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With cool music in the background! And everything is slow-motion!