traumapost

[crusthatecean]

[This is a game post for Alena and Karkat]

Comments

[fighting_alena]

Not at Aather! Possibly in my homeland. But then my companions would have me revived.

[crusthatecean]

Oh.

It doesn't matter. I'm a knight. This shit is evidently my job.

[fighting_alena]

That doesn't mean you have to die for us.

[crusthatecean]

What else are we for? I've been trying to figure it out, but can't. All I know is, we're supposed to protect the heroes.

I'm not a martyr, I'll put something up as an offer and I sure as hell expect you to do the same, but the first part of this is an easy call.

[fighting_alena]

You sure?

We could... both die by no decision. Let the Persona know we won't make a decision like this.

[crusthatecean]

[shrugs, trying to look nonchalant about this]

If you want. I don't really see the point, but it's your life. Throw it away needlessly if that's really what you want.

[fighting_alena]

Thanks, knew I could count on you!

[crusthatecean]

Don't thank me, I don't want you to do that! I'm just saying, it's your life, I can't stop you from wasting it!

You're not doing me any favors by doing that, you're not teaching any personae any lessons they haven't been taught and disregarded before, and you're basically doing nothing but taking a giant shit all over the fact that I have to die when, I'll be honest here, I strongly would prefer otherwise, but that's the situation we're in, and I won't be a worthless knight anymore.

Die if you want, but don't thank me for giving you the chance to make both of our deaths pointless.

[fighting_alena]

Calm down!

Look, I'm just saying let's think this through here. We don't need to default to you being the sacrifice so quickly!

[crusthatecean]

Fine.

What do you have in mind? I'm not going to accept any answer that involves me sitting here with my thumbs up my ass because you wanted to be the hero. This isn't about a suicide complex, this is about the actual reason I'm here.

[fighting_alena]

[frowns] I don't need to hear this lecture from you too. And no one has a suicide complex!

...Except maybe Shiny.

[crusthatecean]

I don't even know who that is.

I'm not trying to lecture you, I just mean...look, I'm not volunteering just because I think I'm the only one who doesn't like to see someone else die, all right? If it was just that, I'd say we flip a coin and leave it at that.

[fighting_alena]

He's a member of my team. Tall guy, bald head. He has an ability where even if he dies, he comes back to life a few moments later.

Okay, hold on, let's brainstorm...

...I think I have an idea.

[crusthatecean]

What?

[fighting_alena]

Let's hit each other at the same time so we knock each other out! We won't be able to make a decision, and we'll probably both die... but we'll be unconscious, so at least we won't feel it or have to watch it.

[crusthatecean]

...How about no? I'll feel being hit into unconsciousness, dumbfuck. Besides, you don't know what dying is like, maybe it's excruciating and awful whether or not you're asleep for it.

And here I thought you had an actual plan.

[fighting_alena]

How would you feel it?! You'd be unconscious!

Let's hear YOU come up with a better plan then!

[crusthatecean]

I don't have one. The other knights, the ones who've been here longer, they'll have something, they'll come up with a way to prevent anyone from dying. I've seen them. It's what we do.

But you're stuck with me, and I know jack shit, and all I have to offer is that at least I won't get you killed, too.

[fighting_alena]

I'm grateful for that, but...

Pretend we're not heroes or knights, or even at Aather for a second. Then what would you say?

[crusthatecean]

That's a ridiculous hypothetical. I don't know what it's like not to be a hero or a knight.

The only substantial memory I have is of me cowering in a storage block waiting for an insane demon to roll over my best friends and crying to some girl about how I fucked everything up. So maybe I'm a coward, maybe I should just go hide and leave you to it if we're going with outside Aather.

Except that memory sickens me. I want to go there and punch myself in the thorax in the hopes it will make a bulge descend, because god damn it I do not want to be someone who sits around and feels sad and scared when there is shit that can be done, and I do not want to cause anyone else to die.

[fighting_alena]

...All right. If you're going to go that far, then we can say you're the chosen one.

[crusthatecean]

Good.

[...Or not, he's just a kid and scared, and a large part of him doesn't want this. But not going to admit to any of that, even if he's not completely good at hiding his fear.]

Now we just have to decide what to put up to prevent my untimely death. I have nothing but my clothes, only I'm assuming this is more psychological bullshit and abstractions count.

I expect you to fight for me too. What's most important to you here?

[fighting_alena]

[thinks about it for a second...]

My team has a marble which can bring someone back to life, once...

[crusthatecean]

What is the point of that if they always bring us back?

[fighting_alena]

Sometimes they make your friends quest for it, or the revival hurts. This is free and painless.

But I don't know if anyone else on my team will think of using that.