Karkat Vantas (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
crusthatecean) wrote2011-09-08 09:11 am
crusthatecean) wrote2011-09-08 09:11 am
Entry tags:
♋ PCG 11
[Action; 1338 Benny Road]
[After his conversation/ambiguous break up with Terezi, Karkat heads back to his own hive. He slams the door to his respite block, locks it, and doesn't come out or let anyone in until his lusus comes up to check on him and makes him move the dresser away from his door.
After that, if you want to come in and find him, he's sitting on his bed eating ice cream and watching troll Hitch on his husktop with Crabdad.]
[Phone]
What do you do if you need to switch hives? Is there a form to fill out or something?
[After his conversation/ambiguous break up with Terezi, Karkat heads back to his own hive. He slams the door to his respite block, locks it, and doesn't come out or let anyone in until his lusus comes up to check on him and makes him move the dresser away from his door.
After that, if you want to come in and find him, he's sitting on his bed eating ice cream and watching troll Hitch on his husktop with Crabdad.]
[Phone]
What do you do if you need to switch hives? Is there a form to fill out or something?
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Fine.
Yes, we may have a chat.
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Shit, best friend, I'm all what real motherfuckin' sorry about what happened. You know it didn't mean nothing to either of us, yeah?
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[Pausing]
In case you're too stupid to tell, that was sarcastic.
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[Beat.]
Oh.
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I'm well aware it 'meant nothing' to the two of you. So obviously that means it's not important and means nothing to no one anywhere, or at least no one who fucking matters at all.
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[winces] Fuck, it was a real motherfuckin' bad mistake, and I swear it ain't gonna be happening again. I never wanted to hurt you none, bro.
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I get that everyone is sorry that I fucking found out, and now they get to deal with me being an asshole, and that's just so annoying, but really, Karkat, it didn't mean anything, so just get over it. No one particularly gives a shit what you think as long as it's not inconvenient, so just get over that already.
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It's okay if you gotta be fronting the nasty shit at me for a while, bro, I deserve it. But Terezi just wasn't using her thinkpan straight and made a mistake, it don't mean she ain't flushed for you or doesn't care about you or nothing.
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Thanks for the advice, I see now that I really should just put up with someone who consistently makes me feel terrible.
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Well, if you all up and already knew she'd be doing shit and always making you feel real lousy, why were you still in a redrom with her? [there's no sarcasm in his voice, just genuine curiosity]
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I'm a complete fucking asshole to everyone who bothers to talk to me. If they developed a special prize for notable achievements in the field of assholery, they'd have to disqualify me on the grounds that it wouldn't be fair to the others. No one would be able to say time in my company was enjoyable even if it entailed me sitting quietly in another room while they vigorously self-pleasured their own waiting shame globes to the pleasant hum of the fulfillment of all their greatest desires. I'm so fucking irritable that I would take violent offense if someone begged my leave to spit shine my bone bulge.
My only contribution as leader has been to make sure no one ever wanted for the opportunity to enjoy the hilarity of my repeated self-humiliation. I'm so detestable that I can't even stand myself. It goes right out the other end of disgust to the point that I think I started waxing black for me once I realized there's never been anyone else so completely hateworthy.
I'm such a waste of space that when I was born there wasn't any classification low enough for me so they had to invent a new one just to fully demonstrate the extent to which I'm a fuck up that needs to be removed from the gene slurry as soon as possible. And that's not even a fucking metaphor, by the way.
If my personality wasn't enough to completely seal my fate as universal failure, Exhibit A, then everything that has gone wrong in our session and everything that will happen to the humans is directly my fault for every shitty, half-assed decision I made. Hundreds of copies of Aradia died to prevent my terrible decisions from destroying all hope we had of surviving, but it seems even someone dooming herself again and again solely to correct my mistakes wasn't enough to prevent my inexorable skullfucking of the timeline, so we can all just sit around forever waiting to die, I guess. I won't do any good at preventing it, because I'm a miserable coward whose battle stance in the face of danger is to stand still like I'm afraid I might trip over my own neck high pants. Think of the biggest douchebag you know, consider that I stood around gaping in shock while he went on a murderspree and decided I wasn't even worth the effort, and consider what that makes me.
Oh, and here's an interesting one. I'm still here talking to you even though you pulled this shit, because I don't have the right to be angry with you. In fact, if you came in here and told me the reason you decided to do everything you've just done was because you decided 'fuck that guy' and specifically intended to do whatever it would take to crush me in whatever manner would be the most painful, all I would say is 'oh, all right, that makes sense, I deserve that.' You're too early on the timeline to know exactly why, suffice to say that I personally fail you so spectacularly that there is literally nothing you could do to me that I wouldn't deserve on every level, no matter how I feel about it.
But hey, on the scale of horrendously shitty things I've done, it might even make the top ten, which isn't bad considering entire universes rot from inside out every time I take a break to scratch my own ass.
So maybe it's because I fucking liked her a lot, and maybe if she does things that make me feel lousy it's only because I'm such a colossal waste of time and disappointment that it's hard to blame her for at least trying to amuse herself while she passes the time waiting for someone better to come along, which, let's be honest here, isn't exactly going to be a difficult task.
And maybe this is me speeding up that process for her because I can't deal with it any more.
Does that answer your question?
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...no, I don't really get it, soooooorry. I don't think you're a failure or asshole or any of that shit, that don't be making any motherfuckin' sense to me. You did a real good motherfuckin' job as leader, it ain't your fault things went shithive. And...I don't know what shit be going down in the future, but I can't see any way you could be what all failing me or anything. You're my best motherfuckin' friend and I love you, that ain't ever gonna change.
[scratches his head] Maybe you should tell Terezi all this? She ain't waiting for someone better, bro, she just really wants to know what you've got all buzzing around in your thinkpan and your emotional valves. I don't know if she even knows you were real serious about her.
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I don't want to talk about this any more.
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[chews on his bottom lip, a little disappointed - he wants to know how to fix whatever went wrong between them, but he's never been good at figuring out what the right things to say are, especially since he doesn't even know what happened in the first place] All right, if that's what you up and want.
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It wasn't your fault. I'm a shithead for even bringing this up. Just forget it.
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Yeah, no point in worrying about the future back home as long as we're on this miracle planet. Guess I'll just have to wait and see what all this changing business is about. [hmm, that sounded vaguely familiar, had he said that before? oh well, it probably doesn't matter.]
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[It's...really hard to feel angry at Gamzee when he's just reminded himself about how bad everything gets. But that doesn't help how awful he feels. It just makes him wonder what's wrong with him that he has such pathetic priorities.]
I know you didn't mean anything by it. But that's sort of part of the problem for me and I don't really know what to do about it.
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wow, it's a really good thing he's not a troll right now, otherwise they'd be a bloody mess]
I don't really know what to be telling you, but there ain't nothing wrong with being upset about it. You can be getting all your harsh on at me if you wanna, I made a real awful salty mistake and I feel like the lowest kind of motherfuckin' grub for doing it. It's my motherfuckin' fault for all up and forgetting she was your redrom.
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An awful mistake is what you see whenever you look in the mirror. This is just a really stupid, frustrating situation that practically doesn't even involve you aside from your apparent inability to keep your ignorance slabs to yourself.
Except that there are some other things in play here that I'd rather not talk about, and they are adding up to this present scenario we have found ourselves in where I have no real desire to get up in your unbelievably stupid clown face about this but I think it might be a good idea if I fuck off for a while.
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okay no it actually would take a lot more than this to make Gamzee cry, but he does look pretty depressed about it no best friend don't go]
Sure, if that's what you gotta do to be feeling better...you're coming back though, right?
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He feels pretty guilty about that, but that's exactly the problem here. It's not fair of him to be upset based on a relationship they don't actually have, and trying to force this to work is just unhealthy.]
I haven't even decided where I'm going, don't ask for my plans. I'm not even actually allowed to leave for long.
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