♋ PCG 14

[crusthatecean]

[Action; 1668 Benny Road]

[So, for the past few days, Karkat has been feeling vaguely off; just occasionally sneezing or rubbing his eyes. His troll self doesn't have allergies, so he doesn't really know what's going on, but as a human, he's definitely feeling it.

Finally, he wakes up one morning feeling sick enough that the female human drone doesn't drag him out of bed in the morning but instead calls school forces him to stay in bed. Anyone in the house can probably hear him swearing at her and occasionally trying to escape in the morning before he ultimately just gives up.]

[Phone; Later]

[Spending an entire day sitting around feeling miserable is really frustrating to him. So instead of being sick like a normal person, he spends the entire day drawing up a ridiculously complicated plan, and now he's calling about it. You can definitely hear from his voice that he's under the weather, though.]

Hey. So, considering the high frequency of situations involving dangerous undead hordes, inducements to kill each other, or just general examples of everything not bothering to stop for breaks on the road to catastrophe at all times, it's kind of surprising in a witness the clearest example of the failings of the human race sort of way that there isn't any system in place for what we're supposed to do. We have brand new clueless assholes showing up at least once a month and if they happen to get stuck in the wrong hive and don't know anyone who'll hold their hand through everything, we're saying they're shit out of luck. Oh, yeah, please call in and ask why I use hive instead of house and wonder if I'm a bee, that will be so helpful.

I don't particularly care about anyone clueless and new, but the odds are some of you do, right? And if not, just think that you might get panscrubbed (okay, droned, is that clear enough for you) and then you'll be the asshole with no idea what's going on.

Anyway, what I want is to hear from someone in every house in Mayfield. Let me know who in your sickening fake family unit can actually fight, who is a fucking psychopath we need to avoid at all costs, and whether or not you're willing to take in anyone extra next time everything goes to hell. I'll get the information out there when I have it so maybe it will be useful to someone unlike everything else anyone does around here.

If you call in with attempts to rile me up, observations that my alien culture isn't exactly the same as your own and that is somehow humorous, or anything that isn't on topic, I'm hanging up, so just answer the question.

Comments

Phone [ Filtered to Karkat ]

[brotherseyes.livejournal.com]

I was thinking we needed something like this.

My name is Anna Liebert. I live at 836 Hastings Boulevard. I can use a gun and I'm a blackbelt in martial arts. I don't mind taking in extra people if it becomes necessary.

The others living with me are Rarity, Xion, Equius -- he talks a lot like you; I'm guessing you must be from the same planet? -- and... my brother Johan.

Johan can use a gun, too. He... he can...

[There's a long pause and a hard swallowing sound.]

He can be very dangerous, but as long as I'm here, he will listen to me. He's been trying very hard lately to behave himself, and I know he's sincere about wanting to change. But if something does happen to me, if I'm droned permanently or taken away from him, I don't know what he might do. If something does happen to me... please, warn everyone. But I'd appreciate it if you didn't say anything about him right now.

[crusthatecean.livejournal.com]

[Yeah, this doesn't phase him at all. He may or may not also be hiding the existence of a dangerous serial killer because he believes he can keep him from killing, and anyway, in his culture, there's a whole quadrant just for this kind of thing.]

Equius is one of us, yeah.

I might not be sending anyone your way if that's all true. There's too much risk if you get hurt. But Equius can handle himself, so it's not so much of a problem there.

I won't tell anyone if there's nothing to say.

[brotherseyes.livejournal.com]

[She is so relieved that he's not freaking out. It's audible in her voice, which is lighter now from its tenseness before.]

Oh, you know him?

I understand. That's probably for the best. Let me know if there's anything else I can do to help.

Thank you.

[crusthatecean.livejournal.com]

It's not a problem. If you can calm him down, it sounds a lot like a type of relationship I know humans don't really have, but I'm not going to mess with it either way.

[brotherseyes.livejournal.com]

Really? [She sounds startled, but not in a bad way, and she almost asks "What kind of relationship is that?," but... well, he said no off-topic conversation.]

Hey, I know you're probably busy, but before I hang up, can I ask you for one thing?

[crusthatecean.livejournal.com]

Since you actually asked, I'll tolerate an off topic question, sure.

[brotherseyes.livejournal.com]

What I was going to ask isn't really that off-topic. Another person and I were recently left in charge of a defensive organization. I was thinking that in might be helpful, once you've gathered all this information... if I could have an extra copy to hang up in the place where we meet. Something like that.

But... as long as you're offering... you're really used to relationships like this? What-- I mean, ah... Mmmm. You're probably tried of being asked about your culture a lot. I know I would be. But I'd like to hear a little bit more about it. If you don't mind. I've never heard of anything like this before.

[crusthatecean.livejournal.com]

Yes, absolutely. This will work better the more people who are involved updating it and dispersing it. I don't know anything about this defense organization, though.

And no, I don't really mind. I meant that one of the most important types of relationship in our culture is moirallegience. One of the functions of a moirail to his palemate is pacification. A lot of us can be dangerous or unstable, but as long as a troll has his moirail with him, he'll be able to stop himself from being a danger to others.

[brotherseyes.livejournal.com]

It's called the Defense Association. It's not really much, just a way for people to learn to take care of themselves. Caesar Silverberg is the one in charge, so anything major would have to go through him. I can't imagine he'd have a problem with something like this, though.

I see. [She mulls over that for a bit.] Thank you, for explaining. I don't think that's exactly what I am to my brother. We're humans, so it doesn't work quite the same, and sometimes Johan can be at his most dangerous when he seems calmest.

But... it's close. Close to what I am to him, I think.

[Pause.]

What's your name?

[crusthatecean.livejournal.com]

I know. Humans don't have it, just like we don't have brothers or sisters. But it makes some sense to me, at least.

Karkat Vantas. You can tell the defense association leader I'll be interested in cooperating with him on anything he needs done.

[brotherseyes.livejournal.com]

That's good. I think I'd like to hear more about trolls' relationships sometime, when you're not so busy. [Or sick, but she kind of gathers from his demeanor that he wouldn't want that pointed out.]

I'm glad to meet you, Karkat. I'll be sure to tell him that.

[crusthatecean.livejournal.com]

Fortunately, that isn't a subject I mind explaining, so I'll be glad to.

Thanks for your help, Anna.

[brotherseyes.livejournal.com]

It was no trouble. Goodbye for now, Karkat.

[Click!]