crusthatecean | ♋ PCG 14

[Action; 1668 Benny Road]

[So, for the past few days, Karkat has been feeling vaguely off; just occasionally sneezing or rubbing his eyes. His troll self doesn't have allergies, so he doesn't really know what's going on, but as a human, he's definitely feeling it.

Finally, he wakes up one morning feeling sick enough that the female human drone doesn't drag him out of bed in the morning but instead calls school forces him to stay in bed. Anyone in the house can probably hear him swearing at her and occasionally trying to escape in the morning before he ultimately just gives up.]

[Phone; Later]

[Spending an entire day sitting around feeling miserable is really frustrating to him. So instead of being sick like a normal person, he spends the entire day drawing up a ridiculously complicated plan, and now he's calling about it. You can definitely hear from his voice that he's under the weather, though.]

Hey. So, considering the high frequency of situations involving dangerous undead hordes, inducements to kill each other, or just general examples of everything not bothering to stop for breaks on the road to catastrophe at all times, it's kind of surprising in a witness the clearest example of the failings of the human race sort of way that there isn't any system in place for what we're supposed to do. We have brand new clueless assholes showing up at least once a month and if they happen to get stuck in the wrong hive and don't know anyone who'll hold their hand through everything, we're saying they're shit out of luck. Oh, yeah, please call in and ask why I use hive instead of house and wonder if I'm a bee, that will be so helpful.

I don't particularly care about anyone clueless and new, but the odds are some of you do, right? And if not, just think that you might get panscrubbed (okay, droned, is that clear enough for you) and then you'll be the asshole with no idea what's going on.

Anyway, what I want is to hear from someone in every house in Mayfield. Let me know who in your sickening fake family unit can actually fight, who is a fucking psychopath we need to avoid at all costs, and whether or not you're willing to take in anyone extra next time everything goes to hell. I'll get the information out there when I have it so maybe it will be useful to someone unlike everything else anyone does around here.

If you call in with attempts to rile me up, observations that my alien culture isn't exactly the same as your own and that is somehow humorous, or anything that isn't on topic, I'm hanging up, so just answer the question.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ Jade is still sort of wary about skipping school, but it sounds like Karkat is having some trouble, so it's worth the risk. Once the coast is clear, Jade slips into his room. ]

Karkat? Is everything alright?

No, it's not.

[Sneezing a little.]

The fucking human lusus has gone off the deep end.

[ Jade's all set to believe him, but then she actually gets a good look at him. ]

Maybe she's onto something, you don't look so good.

I'm fine, it's not anything. I'm not really sick, I've been this way for a few days now.

But that definitely sounds like you are sick! Do you have a cold?

What is a cold? Some sort of bacterial infection?

Viral, actually! [ Neeeeerd. ] Let's see, what's been bothering you the most?

[No, knowing she's talking about a virus makes it easier for him to follow. He's not sure that's what this is, though.]

My ocular globes keep watering and they itch. So does my sniffnode. It's fucking irritating.

Your eyes and nose? Hmm... anything else?

Just this disgusting mucus build-up for some reason and a headache that I'm pretty sure is from the syrup medicine the human woman shoved down my feedtube and not from whatever this is.

That doesn't actually sound like a cold! It sounds like it's your sinuses, are you allergic to anything?

Not that I know of.

But maybe as a human I am.

That sounds possible. The good news is you're not going to die!

[ Just in case he was worried about that....... ]

I wonder what you're allergic to.

No idea. Whatever it is, it started a few days ago.

It could be the weather changing, I don't know. You need some allergy medicine!

Yeah? What kind of medication? Syrup?

Usually they're pills, let me go see if we have any.

Sure.

[Waits]

[ Aaand she returns a few minutes later with a small bottle and a glass of water. ]

You're in luck!

Good. How many do I take?

[Taking the pills and peering at them suspiciously; he's not sure how much he trusts human medicine.]

Just two! [ She sits down his bed, watching carefully. ] At least you get a day off from school today.

[He quickly takes two of them and then downs a glass of water.]

As stupid as schoolhive is, it's not as bad as being cooped up in here against my will.

I think you deserve a day off! Aaaand if you don't want to be cooped up in here, I can help sneak you out.

Yeah? Well...maybe. I'm getting tired of being crammed with medicines.

Come on, it'll be fun!

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