♋ PCG 19

[crusthatecean]

[Phone]

[Karkat is calling! He sounds a little shaky this time, and he speaks quickly, dropping the normal amount of too-long-didn't-listen ranting.]

Okay, idiots, it's that fucking time again. My safe housing list for December is in the communication receptacle outside 1338 Benny Road, so come get an updated copy, or your first copy if you're new. I feel like by this point this is pretty self explanatory. If you have any information to correct or you want to add your house as a safe one, just call me.

[As he says, the list will be available in his mailbox. If you have any changes, please comment to that post!]

[Filtered to Beta Session Trolls; Hackable to 1338 Benny]

Okay, so some things. First of all, Equius and Nepeta are droned. It's fine, a lot of us have been droned and we've always come back. Anyway, they're probably just back in our session being sickening in piles of shit and not having anything awful happen to them in any way, so there's always that.

...Moving on. As I'm sure some of you have noticed, there are some trolls other than us showing up here. Adults. Some of you morons have been probably been stupid enough to talk to them.

I've been checking them out and I've come to the conclusion that we can't trust them. No matter how they seem, we just don't know enough about them, and frankly a lot about their existence is fucking suspicious.

So new rule, so ordered by your leader. No one is to talk to or otherwise communicate with any of the adult trolls. End of discussion.

Aradia, Feferi, Eridan, I need to talk to you privately.

Comments

... I should apologise in advance

[noluckduck]

Wow, who the hell put ya in charge of PR?

[crusthatecean.livejournal.com]

I don't know what PR is, but I put myself in charge of doing this shit for the general good. If you'd rather bust your ass to keep this information updated, be my goddamn guest.

[noluckduck]

Hahah, wow. Public relations, you dipshit. People sure are gonna want to cooperate after an intro like that!

[crusthatecean.livejournal.com]

I'm not from your fucking planet, idiot, I don't know your acronyms.

If my tone is so offensive that someone would rather not know how to save their own lives in order to express their problem with me, then I honestly don't care.

[noluckduck]

What, you're a fuckin' alien? There's aliens here too?!

... Right, hold on just a sec, I was gonna ask - what's the safe housin' for?

[crusthatecean.livejournal.com]

Oh, you're new. Yes, idiot, there are aliens of all sort around here trapped in this human clusterfuck, congratulations for finally noticing.

The safe housing is because on a regular basis, this bullshit town contrives elaborate ways to murder as many of us as possible. During such times, it may be useful to go somewhere with people who know how to fight or have survival skills.

[noluckduck]

I ain't an idiot, ass.

Oh, great. So the whole damn town is Jigsaw.

... That's a shitty horror movie character, just so y'know.

[crusthatecean.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the cultural clarification.

Yes, the town is basically a shitty human horror movie.

[noluckduck]

Well, I was right about somethin'. Fuckin' hooray.

[crusthatecean.livejournal.com]

You'll learn to really appreciate all of this, absolutely. I've heard that human holidays are the worst here, and a major human holiday is coming up.

[noluckduck]

There ain't any holidays in August, you--

Wait, it can't be August. There's snow outside.

[crusthatecean.livejournal.com]

It's the month called "December" here.

[noluckduck]

Shit, so it's Christmastime... What's the kind of stuff that could happen? Santa with a chainsaw knockin' on our doors?

[crusthatecean.livejournal.com]

I don't know what a Santa is, but probably, yes.

[noluckduck]

He's a jolly big old guy. We tell kids he's the one who brings 'em presents.

[crusthatecean.livejournal.com]

Okay, I don't care. But yeah, something like that will happen, so you might as well know where to go.

[noluckduck]

... So what about the safe housin' makes it "safe"?

Also, you got a name, ET?

[crusthatecean.livejournal.com]

It's safe because I've, to some extent, vetted the contact there as someone able to fight, with healing abilities, or otherwise having survival skills.

Karkat Vantas. You?

[noluckduck]

Healin' abilities. Right. [Sigh.]

Karkat, huh? Funky. I'm Clover.

[crusthatecean.livejournal.com]

I know, I know, I'm taking everyone's word for it. They call it magic, I prefer to call it some kind of alien psychic energy, but it does seem to actually work so who cares how stupid it is?

Hey. Well, welcome to this shithole, I guess.

[noluckduck]

... Nah. It's magic alright.

[crusthatecean.livejournal.com]

Okay, that's fine. At a certain point there's really no distinction between magic and science, anyway. To me an innate biological ability is an innate biological ability, and a tool that allows a user to achieve certain results is a technological advancement. Just because we don't understand what it works doesn't make it magical. I know an asshole who doesn't understand how computers work, and yet, they do not run on miracles and fairy dust.

The point is, we are up to our ass in shitty science magic here, so however you see it, be used to it.

[noluckduck]

Thanks for the summary, I was startin' to ignore ya there.

Science and magic are still totally different though.