♋ PCG 20

[crusthatecean]

[Action, 1338 Benny Road]

[Karkat wakes up unable to shake the memory of his dream. He has nightmares regularly, a combination of sleeping without a recuperacoon and everything he's been through since he began playing Sgrub. But something about this one felt more real and vivid and awful, and he remembers it more clearly.

But he wakes ordinarily, only to watch the news and hear his own name, among others, listed. He remembers. She told him she would erase his existence, and he said yes. That memory combined with the news spooks him; Mayfield is clearly doing something, and he doesn't know what to think. So when the television shuts off, he'll go looking for his housemates to try to calm his nerves.]

[Phone, later]

All right, this is Karkat. No, guess what, this is actually Karkat. I'm here. You can choose to believe me or not.

Is anyone else who supposedly disappeared still here? Let's discuss this latest Mayfield fuckstorm like the rational conversationalists I know we all aren't.

[Filtered to Feferi, Tavros, Eridan, and Sollux]

And I especially need to talk to all of you. Now. Don't give me any shit about whether or not I'm the real Karkat. If you are here, answer me now.

I can't believe a single one of you complete drooling panrotted fucking assholes.

[Filtered to Signless.]

You.

((OOC: Karkat has been erased, so he will seem like a fakey fake doppleganger!))

Comments

[Phone]

[a1a100.livejournal.com]

You fell for it too you know.

[crusthatecean.livejournal.com]

Did I say I didn't?

This is different. I told you the other day, Sollux. I told you. No pointless self-sacrificing gestures, you're better than this.

[a1a1000.livejournal.com]

[He stays quiet for a moment]

Whatever it's already too late, berating me about this is kind of pointless.

[crusthatecean.livejournal.com]

It's not too late. We're still here, so there's still time to shove it down your gaping feed gullet that you can't do this shit.

Let me guess, just like they did for Feferi and just like they did for me, they told you that all of us would be better off without you, and you should disappear to save us?

Hey, guess what, without you we would have all died in a fiery apocalypse, and we would have all lost touch during the game, and we never would have been able to communicate with the humans which is and remains our only salvation, you stupid asshole. And then you apparently died to get us to the green sun while I stood around and fondled my shame globes or ate popped seed kernels or something equally useless.

[He sounds furious, but his tone abruptly calms.]

I'm sorry I was such an asshole about you claiming to die, but I've already seen you die once, nearly twice, and surprise, I didn't want it to happen again.

When the fuck is it going to be enough for you? Your self-esteem gland is so preposterously small that it makes your likability gland worry it's getting too fat. And I realize this is grubsauce calling sopor green, but I don't really care right now.

[a1a1000.livejournal.com]

[Sollux wasn't really used to Karkat of all people telling him how not worthless he was. It was kind of irritating but also kind of comforting in a sense. He sighs.]

I'm sorry, okay? I know I'm not completely useless as I make myself out to be but I can't help it. You all looked so happy and safe without me, it just seemed like it would be a lot better if you guys never knew me.

[crusthatecean.livejournal.com]

That's what all of us saw.

[sigh]

Why do you all think so many of us are in the same water transport unit right now? I guess when you've been through a lot of torso high shit trapped with the same eleven assholes, you grow attached to them, even the ones you kind of hate. We all want to make everyone better off.

But it doesn't work that one or two of you can decide to blow this existence for the rest as though we aren't all in it together. All of you are needed in the future I'm fucking busting my ass to cobble together here, so I'm not okay with so many of you turdsmears deciding for yourselves you aren't.

[a1a1000.livejournal.com]

Well what's your excuse then? You're sitting here lecturing me about how I am actually worth something and needed and I shouldn't have decided to disappear and yet you did the same thing!

[crusthatecean.livejournal.com]

It's different.

[a1a1000.livejournal.com]

How the hell is it different? You're just as important as the rest of us. You're our leader KK, you're a big part of our group.

[crusthatecean.livejournal.com]

Give it a rest. No one is saying I just made a logical decision. We're all wasting everyone's time.

[a1a1000.livejournal.com]

Whatever.

[He's not even going to try]

What the fuck are we supposed to do now?

[crusthatecean.livejournal.com]

I have no idea.

I'm worried there's worse shit to come.

[a1a1000.livejournal.com]

KK, it's Mayfield. There's always worse shit to come.

[crusthatecean.livejournal.com]

I know, but...

Look. I was talking to Terezi. Same old shit, I'm a fake, fuck off forever and die. Only for about a minute, she forgot who I was. I don't mean the same 'you're not really him' shit. I mean she was asking me who Karkat was.

[a1a1000.livejournal.com]

[Sollux looks to the side and stays silent for a minute]

Aradia didn't know who I was either.

[crusthatecean.livejournal.com]

For now, they see us as a shitty fake, and wonder where our real selves went.

But the announcement said they would stop missing us. They're going to forget us.

[a1a1000.livejournal.com]

...fuck.

[It was hard enough enough just being thought of as fake but being entirely forgotten by the people you love? That hurts.]

What are we going to do? Just ignore the ones who haven't been "erased"?

[crusthatecean.livejournal.com]

For now, that's all we can do. They won't change their minds about us. If Gamzee, Terezi, and Kanaya won't accept that it's me, we're fucked.

But we have to find a way to fix this.

[a1a1000.livejournal.com]

[He doesn't want to just forget about Aradia, it hurts too much to think about but if he has to...]

How do you think we'll be able to fix this?

[crusthatecean.livejournal.com]

I have no fucking clue, to be honest.

[a1a1000.livejournal.com]

Yeah, neither do I.

[crusthatecean.livejournal.com]

We'll come up with a plan.

[a1a1000.livejournal.com]

In the meantime I guess the ones who are "erased" should stick together, huh?

[crusthatecean.livejournal.com]

Yes, even though I still hate all of you for being stupid enough to go along with this.

[a1a1000.livejournal.com]

Yeah well I hate you for going along with this too so let's put our mutual hate for each other aside and do something productive for once.

[Because all they do is fight and fighting isn't very productive at all.]