♋ PCG 1

[crusthatecean]

[Accidental Phone Call | Action for 1338 Benny Road]

[When Karkat wakes up at 1338 Benny Road, his first thought is what a nice, relaxing sleep he just had. His second thought is remembering that he forbade everyone from sleeping, and nobody better be a wiseass about this.

His third thought involves him catching his reflection in the mirror in his room. Seconds later, the house will shake from the sound of him slamming open his door and shouting at no one in particular, and just happening to knock the phone off the hook mid-rant.]

--better be one fucking good explanation for this shitpile of a situation, and that explanation better be 'Karkat, you're definitely not a giant pink nubless fleshpile now, sorry for the trouble,' got it? Okay, point me in the direction of those humans in the pictures or whoever else is responsible. They better open wide, because I've got pailfuls of pure, festering hate to...great, and now this fucking thing came off the--

[There's a crashing sound and the click of a phone hanging up.]

[Later; Phone Call]

[A little bit later and a lot calmer, Karkat will make a phone call. His voice sounds measured, as though it's barely suppressing another burst of anger.]

...So. Nice human town you have here.

How do I leave?

Comments

[crusthatecean.livejournal.com]

Ha ha ha.

Okay, I saw that one coming, but I don't need this shit right now. Do you actually know the way out, or is your existence really this much of a waste of space?

[timetables.livejournal.com]

There is no way out. At least not one you can readily available for your convenience.

You're stuck here.

[crusthatecean.livejournal.com]

Okay, I've been hearing that a lot, but forgive me if I don't just buy into it right away. For all I know, you're just a bunch of incompetent humans would couldn't find the exit to their asshole if they formed an expedition party.

[timetables.livejournal.com]

By all means, do your best to find ingress and egress from incompetent human assholes at your own leisure. Sounds like one hell of a party to me.

[crusthatecean.livejournal.com]

Yeah, it'll be one wild party all right. No need for you to RSVP since you're buried so deep up your own asshole that you're probably our host. I'll let everyone know to send their RSVPs to the world's smuggest douchebag!

[timetables.livejournal.com]

Okay so as fun as it is to talk about anuses and your obsession with being in them, maybe it'd be worthwhile to talk about something that's not a complete waste of time.

[crusthatecean.livejournal.com]

Oh, sure. Well, it sure has been swell meeting you, random human stranger.

I'm Karkat, and, let me take a wild and far-fetched guess here, your name is Dave Strider.

[timetables.livejournal.com]

Yeah, you're right on the money there, smart one. So I guess you're stuck here too now with the rest of us.

Awesome.

[crusthatecean.livejournal.com]

Yeah, beyond awesome. I can't wait for the no-doubt wacky shenanigans that are about to take place.

Is it worth bothering to ask you which trolls are here?

[timetables.livejournal.com]

Not really, I couldn't keep track of them if I wanted to.

I know TZ is here at least, but no idea about the rest. John's here too though.

[crusthatecean.livejournal.com]

What a surprise that counting to twelve is too difficult for you!

I guess at least your buddy 'TZ' can help keep you from walking into doors. It's an interspecies collaboration we all can be proud of.

[timetables.livejournal.com]

Yeah, always get stuck somewhere past 6 or... wait, what comes after 6? Fuck it.

But no seriously there's a lot of us here. Jade and Rose used to be too, but they aren't anymore... not really anyway.

[crusthatecean.livejournal.com]

...What happened to them?

[timetables.livejournal.com]

No clue. Sometimes people manage to get out of here somehow. I hear it happened to me once, same with you.

[crusthatecean.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I've heard about that. Apparently you get panwashed or something.

[timetables.livejournal.com]

You get straight up brain fucked. Whatever you've got stewing up there, hope you didn't need it 'cause some sticky fingered asshole's just going to get rowdy up in your head jacking shit left and right.

[crusthatecean.livejournal.com]

Sounds like every conversation I've had with you and your human pals.

But this has been remarkably non-worthless information, even if I've heard it from other sources.

[timetables.livejournal.com]

It helps that for once you're forced to ride things linearly. No wonky time horseshit here.

[crusthatecean.livejournal.com]

It'll be simpler for you humans to understand, at least. But I guess going backwards through the timeline has proved to be slightly inconvenient.

[timetables.livejournal.com]

Yeah, dumb things down for our simple human minds that prefer things moving in a remotely comprehensible fashion.