Karkat Vantas (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
crusthatecean) wrote2014-05-02 05:37 pm
crusthatecean) wrote2014-05-02 05:37 pm
Entry tags:
[exsilium] IC CONTACT
APPARENTLY I DON'T HAVE TIME TO DEAL WITH YOU RIGHT NOW,
BUT THAT ISN'T GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU, IS IT?
YOU WON'T BE SATISFIED UNTIL YOU'VE MONOPOLIZED EVERY MICROSECOND OF MY LIFE WITH YOUR ASININE COMMENTS AND PETTY AWFUL PERSONAL PROBLEMS.
WELL, FINE.
PLEASE PROCEED IN AN EFFICIENT MANNER TO EXPECTORATE YOUR PROBLEMS ALL OVER MY WAITING ENGORGED PATIENCE NODES.
WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT?
BUT THAT ISN'T GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU, IS IT?
YOU WON'T BE SATISFIED UNTIL YOU'VE MONOPOLIZED EVERY MICROSECOND OF MY LIFE WITH YOUR ASININE COMMENTS AND PETTY AWFUL PERSONAL PROBLEMS.
WELL, FINE.
PLEASE PROCEED IN AN EFFICIENT MANNER TO EXPECTORATE YOUR PROBLEMS ALL OVER MY WAITING ENGORGED PATIENCE NODES.
WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT?
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So
Hi
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HOW ABOUT THAT. YOU WERE RIGHT TO GO BEHIND MY BACK AND TALK TO PAST ME. THAT SECRET THING YOU WERE AFRAID TO CONFESS TO ME WAS A TOTALLY SURPRISING STATE OF AFFAIRS I HAD NO KNOWLEDGE OR SUSPICION OF AND COULD NEVER HAVE ANTICIPATED.
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Its Really Rather Pathetically Counterintuitive Isnt It
[Taking shit at face value: the character]
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GAMZEE BASICALLY BLEW YOUR BIG SECRET. EVEN IF HE DIDN'T, NOT THAT SURPRISING.
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Motherfucker
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YOUR ROMANTIC WOES ARE WELL BENEATH THE LEVEL AT WHICH I COULD CONCEIVABLY BE UNAWARE OF THEM.
I JUST TASTEFULLY CHOSE NOT TO COMMENT.
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At
Any Time In The Last Three Earth Months Or So
You Know While Publicly Denouncing Anyone So Thoroughly Misguided To As Much As Consider Sharing Anything Remotely Four-Sided With That Pile Of Aquatic Weeds And Residue
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BESIDES, I HAVEN'T KNOWN FOR THREE MONTHS, NOT FOR SURE.
BUT AT LEAST FOR ONE.
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In That Case Do You Still Think The Same Thing You Said About Him Having A Lot Of Feelings And Eventually Getting Over It
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I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO TELL YOU. HE SHOULDN'T HOLD A GRUDGE AGAINST YOU, BUT HE PROBABLY WILL.
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And In General Subverting Every Pre-Branching Expectation I Had About His View Of Me
Considering He Has Repeatedly Denied We Were So Much As Friends Before The Game
Which Is Blatantly Untrue Because If Anyone Had Cause To Deny That It Would Have Been Me With Very Good Reason
Its Gotten To The Point Where I Doubt Even Literally Spending The Last Fortnight As My Friend Again Will Convince Him Of The Truth
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BUT MAYBE HE MEANS IT.
I DON'T KNOW IF ANY OF US WERE HIS FRIENDS.
I THOUGHT HE LOVED FEFERI AND HE KILLED HER.
I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS, AND WE REALLY WEREN'T.
HE SEEMED DIFFERENT AND I KNOW EVERYTHING WENT TO SHIT AND WE WERE ALL A LITTLE OUT OF CONTROL.
AND I'M NOT TRYING TO SEEM JUDGMENTAL ABOUT YOUR CHOICES BECAUSE.
WELL, I MEAN, GAMZEE OBVIOUSLY.
BUT I DON'T KNOW IF HE EVEN KNOWS HOW TO CARE ABOUT ANYONE BESIDES HIMSELF,
OR EVEN IF HE DOES, I DON'T THINK HE UNDERSTANDS OTHER PEOPLE OR HOW THEY FEEL.
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Well With Deliberately Antagonizing Him
Ive Seen Him In A Lot Of Contexts
And I Think Hes Capable Of Slightly Better Than Utter Sociopathy
Whats Become Increasingly Obvious Is That The Matter Of His Death May Just Be An Insurmountable Obstacle
He Has Repeatedly Said That It Is Literally The One Thing Keeping Him From Treating Me Like A Troll Instead Of Dirt
And I Have Seen Him Treat A Decently Sized Handful Of People Here Unrelated To The All My Descendants Episode Like Non-Dirt
So I Dont Really Know
I Look At Him And Strongly Feel I Would Be Able To Help Him Understand If He Would Just Listen To Me
But If His Complex Persists Then Ill Remain The Last Person Hed Ever Listen To
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THAT'S NOT FAIR AT ALL. YES, I ANTAGONIZE HIM NOW.
BUT THAT IS NOT WHY I DON'T THINK WE WERE FRIENDS.
LIKE, I KNOW HOW HE CAN TREAT PEOPLE.
WE WERE FRIENDS FOR A LONG TIME AND TO BE HONEST I REALLY THOUGHT HE WAS A GOOD PERSON,
AND I GUESS CARED ABOUT HIM.
I HAVE NEVER EXACTLY THOUGHT HIGHLY OF SEADWELLERS, BUT EVEN THOUGH HE
TALKED UP A LOT OF BULLSHIT, I THOUGHT THERE WAS MORE TO HIM. LIKE, UNDER ALL OF THAT HE WAS A GOOD PERSON WHO WAS SENSITIVE AND DRAMATIC BUT ACTUALLY A GOOD FRIEND.
SORRY, I WANT TO VOMIT AT HOW SAPPY THAT SOUNDS, BUT IT IS TRUE.
I LISTENED TO HIS PROBLEMS ALMOST EVERY NIGHT. I THOUGHT I REALLY KNEW HIM AND HE DIDN'T TREAT ME LIKE DIRT, AT LEAST NOT TO MY FACE.
SO YOU CAN'T CLAIM I NEVER GAVE HIM A CHANCE OR GOT TO KNOW HIM.
HE'S AS DIFFERENT FROM WHAT I THOUGHT HE WAS BACK THEN AS GAMZEE IS.
I CAN FORGIVE GAMZEE FOR MAYBE THE SAME REASON YOU CAN FORGIVE ERIDAN, BUT I WOULD NEVER TRY TO TELL YOU THAT YOU COULDN'T BE ANGRY WITH HIM.
I HOPE YOU CAN HELP HIM, THOUGH. I ACTUALLY DO.
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I Know You Were Friends
Im Not Saying You Did Anything Wrong
I Think
What Happened Changed Him
And Everyone
And
This Is Why Ive Been So Adamant About Ignoring It Even Though I Know The Extreme Ingenuousness Of That Course Of Action
Because
Even If It Is True That Nobody Is The Same Anymore And Many Of Us Are In Fact Deep Down Terrible Immoral People At Our Core
If We Go Around Acting That Way
Turning Our Backs On Former Friends Who Have Proven Themselves To Be Such No Longer
Then How Could The Opposite Ever Come To Be
Maybe Youre Right And I Should Just Give Up On Drawing Any Of These Excessively Optimistic Distinctions
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I GET YOU, OKAY?
EVERYTHING IS SO COMPLICATED AND JUST THINKING ABOUT IT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE MY CHEST IS GOING TO EXPLODE. FROM ANGER OR SOMETHING.
I DON'T KNOW IF HE'S GOING TO FORGIVE YOU, BUT HE SHOULD. HE SHOULD IF EVERYONE IS FORGIVING HIM. EVERYONE BUT ME, I GUESS, SINCE I'M THE ONLY ONE WHO REALLY CARES.
GOD, I JUST. I WOULD LOVE TO BE PROVEN WRONG ABOUT HIM. I REALLY WISH I ACTUALLY COULD FORGIVE HIM, AND SHIT COULD BE NORMAL, AND I COULD GO BACK TO MAKING SARCASTIC INSULTING COMMENTS ABOUT HOW MUCH I HATE EVERYONE THAT NO ONE TAKES SERIOUSLY BECAUSE IT'S ALL A BUNCH OF CRAP AND YOU ALL KNOW YOU'RE MY FRIENDS AND THE ONLY ONES I'VE EVER GIVEN A SHIT ABOUT. IF YOU COULD MAKE ANY OF THAT HAPPEN AGAIN, I WOULD NEVER JUDGE YOUR ROMANTIC CHOICES.
NEVER TELL ANYONE I SAID ANY OF THIS, BY THE WAY.
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For Everything To Be The Same As It Was Before We Played The Game
Except With A Little More Blood Drinking I Suppose
I Think Weve Reached The End Of Productivity For This Particular Line Of Conversation
Is There Anything You Need My Help With
How Have You Been Adjusting To This Exile
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I WISH I COULD HAVE BEEN MORE HELP.
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