[exsilium] IC CONTACT

[crusthatecean]

APPARENTLY I DON'T HAVE TIME TO DEAL WITH YOU RIGHT NOW,
BUT THAT ISN'T GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU, IS IT?
YOU WON'T BE SATISFIED UNTIL YOU'VE MONOPOLIZED EVERY MICROSECOND OF MY LIFE WITH YOUR ASININE COMMENTS AND PETTY AWFUL PERSONAL PROBLEMS.
WELL, FINE.
PLEASE PROCEED IN AN EFFICIENT MANNER TO EXPECTORATE YOUR PROBLEMS ALL OVER MY WAITING ENGORGED PATIENCE NODES.
WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT?

Comments

[Arrival]

[crusthatecean]

[So this jerk is going to show up in the apartment sometime after meeting up with his troll friends.

He's moving in, your new roommate is a tiny grey candy-corn horned brat.]

[accidentalrebellion]

[When the tiny grey candy-corn horned brat arrives in the apartment, he'll find that he's not alone. Over on the far wall, by the window, next to a propped bow and quiver of arrows, is a brat of a whole other kind. Her arms are crossed over her chest, and for the moment, her eyes are fixed on some unknown point outside. (Or, more like, she's vaguely glaring at something outside.)

If she's heard the arrival, she doesn't acknowledge him.]

[crusthatecean]

Who are you?

[He was not prepared to have to share, especially not to have a complete stranger in his space.]

[accidentalrebellion]

[Well, okay, fine. That merits an acknowledgment. She turns, and what she sees is a little startling.

It's not the fact that he's grey; in the Capitol, people have dyed themselves all kinds of colors in the name of "fashion." Even the horns, though odd in and of themselves, might not look so odd there either. No, it's the fact that all of this is on something so tiny. Tiny, and vaguely angry looking.]

Who are you? [Maybe on a scale of alarming, this isn't quite to the level of the blue person who looks like her, but she now has a hand on that bow nearby. Just in case.]

[crusthatecean]

I asked you first.

[Scowling, but although he has sharp teeth, his expression doesn't really look threatening, just annoyed.]

I live here.

[accidentalrebellion]

[Two can totally play the scowling game, okay. It can kind of be her signature, and here it's no exception. Scowling teenage girl who's not letting go of that bow anytime soon.]

How? [She saw nothing to be an indication of it.]

[Voice]

[speakveryclearly]

[It's a phone call at about 6:00 PM on Monday, December 17th. WHO COULD IT BE. No, it's Kanaya.]

Can I assume that your incredible tactical skills and intrepid nature have prevented you from falling victim to this so-called "zombie apocalypse", unlike certain other members of our team.

[Voice]

[crusthatecean]

I'm just going to take those compliments at face value, but honestly, it is not exactly a hard apocalypse to avoid, you would have to be lacking even a single active pan cell.

Which is why it doesn't surprise me one of us apparently fell victim to it. Okay, what happened?

[Voice]

[speakveryclearly]

[BITTERSWEET... oh Karkat ever the optimist]

Two, actually. Unsurprisingly one of them was Sollux.

The other was Eridan. Feferi did the culling, again not very surprising.

Eridan is back already. Sollux isn't though.

[crusthatecean]

What? As in they died?

Are you serious?

[speakveryclearly]

Yes, they were zombies initially, and then they were exterminated, I was not privy to the details but I'm going to assume there was a great deal of 2x3dentkind gore.

Sollux is still dead. Eridan is alive. I've even seen him. His collapsing and expanding aquatic bladder system is in full working order once more.

But Sollux is definitely still dead.

[crusthatecean]

He'll come back, right? They always do?

Not that I care, I am officially over caring about Sollux managing to kill himself every time he leaves his respite block and then instantly coming back to life, it is so old and I am not going to expend any more energy thinking about it, it would be more worthwhile to mourn a stale piece of grubloaf.

Is there any, like, side affect or anything?

[speakveryclearly]

No. Nothing but having to wait for them to come back. Which they always do.

Everyone who has ever died at any point in time who later came into contact with the Initiative is entirely alive and well. You wouldn't know it to hear them talk, but they are.

[Text]

[speakveryclearly]

[Very plausibly the exact time she sends interestingly enough; somewhere between half an hour and two hours after Eridan's post.]

Hey Karkat
Theres A Situation Ive Needed Your Leaderly Guidance On For Some Time Now
And Although You May Be In A State Of Great Disturbance At This Moment
I Think
This Might Be The Perfect Time To Ask
Maybe Even The Only Time

[crusthatecean]

OKAY.
I MEAN, THIS IS A DISTURBING SITUATION BUT NOT THAT BAD.
DON'T UNDERESTIMATE ME, I CAN HANDLE THIS SHIT.
ANYWAY, WHAT'S UP?

[speakveryclearly]

So You Happen To Find This
A New Level Of Disturbing Then
This Sudden And Dramatic Change Of Affairs
As In Do You Want To Know Whats Even Going On Here

[DID HE LOSE HIS MEMORIES TOO??? OH MAN THIS KEEPS GETTING WORSE AND WORSE BUT SIMULTANEOUSLY BETTER AND BETTER...]

[crusthatecean]

I GUESS?
WHY, DO YOU KNOW?

[speakveryclearly]

Yes
Ive Been Here For A While And I Might Even Be From The Future Relative To You
Almost Certainly Much More Familiar With Humans
There Are A Lot Of Time Travel Shenanigans Going On
In Addition To The Obvious Space Travel Conceit

[crusthatecean]

REALLY? I'D EXPECT THIS KIND OF CRAP FROM SOME TROLLS I KNOW, BUT FROM YOU?
TIME TRAVEL?
THAT IS STUPID AND ALSO IMPOSSIBLE.

[speakveryclearly]

If Ive Been Informed Correctly Weve Returned To A State Of Affairs Where "Talk To Me In The Future" Has Regained Its Meaning
So
Hi

[crusthatecean]

HI.

HOW ABOUT THAT. YOU WERE RIGHT TO GO BEHIND MY BACK AND TALK TO PAST ME. THAT SECRET THING YOU WERE AFRAID TO CONFESS TO ME WAS A TOTALLY SURPRISING STATE OF AFFAIRS I HAD NO KNOWLEDGE OR SUSPICION OF AND COULD NEVER HAVE ANTICIPATED.

[speakveryclearly]

I Know
Its Really Rather Pathetically Counterintuitive Isnt It

[Taking shit at face value: the character]

[crusthatecean]

I MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE BEEN SARCASTIC.
GAMZEE BASICALLY BLEW YOUR BIG SECRET. EVEN IF HE DIDN'T, NOT THAT SURPRISING.

[speakveryclearly]

Oh Right
Motherfucker

[crusthatecean]

YEAH, MOTHERFUCKER.
YOUR ROMANTIC WOES ARE WELL BENEATH THE LEVEL AT WHICH I COULD CONCEIVABLY BE UNAWARE OF THEM.
I JUST TASTEFULLY CHOSE NOT TO COMMENT.