crusthatecean | ♋ PCG 6

♋ PCG 6

[Audio Hook; Not Filtered]

Okay, so we're all sharing. Perfect. I can't avoid it anymore, so why not? I have to say, I can't manage to give two minuscule fucks about most of your problems, so maybe you won't give any fucks for mine, either, and I'm fine with that. Maybe the town making me spill the partially digested contents of my alimentary canal will finally make me hate it here. Everyone's so ready to find a way out, but my entire species is dead aside from a few of us, and there's a good chance rest of us aren't going to survive, and this place is able to bring some of us back. It's not as bad as all of you think, grow the fuck up.

No one ever asked me to be leader. I just pitched a massive shit fit about it like I always do, and no one wanted to deal with it or cared, so here I am. I guess I just wanted people to show me some fucking respect for once, which is some seriously shitty reasoning, but that's how it is. But I thought I did a pretty damn good job. I mean, all of us were basically huge gaping assholes, but we didn't get too off track and we beat the game in good time and everything.

And then it all crumbled into crusty dry turd flakes. We lost everything and then we started to fall apart and...a bunch of us died. Don't ask me how many, I don't know. Maybe all of us. But I blamed everyone for this shit. Mostly the humans, and I made a huge asshole out of myself trying to troll them, but it turned out it wasn't their fault. I could blame some of us for making a big shit show of everything, but I guess I'm too fucking sentimental and tender-hearted to put the blame for our absolute and total failure at the feet of any of them. Because I actually like them. Most of them. Maybe all of them, I don't know.

But I do know who I think screwed everything up for us. I've never exactly been fond of this douchebag. He got saddled with a mutant blood color that put him somewhere below shitclogged load gaper on the hemospectrum and instead of just dealing with it he hid it from everyone and pretended not to care about any of that like typing in stupid gray font and acting like an asshole all the time would make it not matter to anyone else. But then he decided he wanted to feel better about himself, so he insisted on being in charge and being a leader and went around acting important and making an ass of himself in bullshit memos and then when everything went wrong he just stood there and wasn't able to do anything. When a really good friend of his was killed, he just stood there, and when someone else was starting to lose it he didn't notice until the ship had already sailed to murderous rampage harbor and instead he just got caught up in some more petty bullshit. It's not anyone else's fault or problem because it wasn't anyone else's fucking responsibility, and that's all there is to it. Probably. Or maybe I just can't stand him and I'd rather have the blame resting squarely on his cartilage nub than anyone else's. I never wanted any of you to die, I really mean that.

...Yeah, this is just getting sad now. Not that it wasn't sad from the beginning. And no, I'm not talking about past and future selves, that's always been such a hilariously pathetic cop out. I know I didn't cause everything, but I didn't stop it. I blundered through every step of the way and accomplished nothing. But don't I feel better now for getting that all off my nub? No, I don't. I really don't. If you sat around listening to this pulsating wave of self-pity vomit, go fuck yourself.

[The phone hangs up with a loud slam.]

((You can call him back. Fair warning, he'll probably be pretty awful to anyone who responds.))

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[Slick's teeth are grinding as he listens to the whole thing. Ohhhhh you little son of a bitch he is going to give you such a thrashing guess who's practically jabbing his fingers into the phone as he dials your number and snarling into the receiver.]

You little shitstain. Answer me right now or I'm coming over there and dragging you out.

[picking up]

Fuck you, I don't really give a shit what you have to say.

Look, I liked you. A lot. But I was under the false assumption that blood color worked the same elsewhere as it does where I'm from, and sharing a blood type is a pretty retarded reason to befriend someone who is otherwise murderous and has an alternate universe version trying to kill all my friends.

[ There's a long sad silence on this end, and then: ]

I still think you're a good leader.

[ She almost puts the phone back down, worried about the stuff she could give away, but decides against it at the last second. That tone picks up a little more confidence with every word. ]

I mean... you kept us together throughout the whole game! We would've been killing each other way earlier if it weren't for you. Of course it fell apart eventually, working together is hard fur -- I mean for -- trolls. Maybe it wasn't anyone's fault.

And I don't care what your blood is like, that's dumb. I don't think anyone does except maybe Equius, and even I think he can be kind of a jerk about it! Blood doesn't matter on the human planet, anyway, so you can still be our leader here. It's not like we stopped needing one.

I really really don't hate you. I kind of do the opposite of hating you.

...I know.

[He doesn't clarify what he was agreeing to, though. He meant to hang up, but he couldn't really hang up on her like this, when she was even dropping the cat puns.]

Maybe it's not anyone's fault. It'd be pretty sad if I meant I really thought that it all came down to me. I don't really think much of what I did or didn't do made a difference.

It's more that I wish I could've done better for everyone. If I had to go and make myself the leader, then I could have at least figured out a way to lead. So why not take the blame for it?

If you really think you have something to make up for... you could always try to make up for it here. But you can't be mad at yourself for not doing everything perfect, we're still just kids! And I think you did a better job than anyone else could have.

You're making it sound like you broke some big promise to keep us all safe, but how were you supposed to? I don't think any of us could have done that, it's a really big job. You didn't let anyone down.

[ Not her, at least. ]

Okay, I actually do appreciate you saying that. I don't want to be a jerk for once, but this whole conversational topic is reminding me of my continuing deep humiliation at the hands of this honesty bullshit.

Can we talk about something else?

[Oh, Karkat sounds pretty serious here, he should be a good bEsT fRiEnD and listen closely.

...wow, this speech is really long. Who's he even talking about? Gamzee doesn't remember anyone with mutant blood...wait, what colors were mutant again? Purple? Blue? Vriska's pretty scary, maybe it's her. No, hang on, Karkat's talking about a guy. Oh shit, is he talking about Gamzee? Fuck, he doesn't remember if his blood color is mutant or not. Is that why Equius keeps calling him highblood? Well, it doesn't really matter, he's cool with having mutant blood. All the blood colors are pretty. All of them. Hey, he's starmonkey now right, does that mean his blood color's changed?

Yeah, any time Karkat wants to look around, he'll notice Gamzee leaning against his doorframe and staring hard at the veins in his wrist.]

[Okay walking right past him he doesn't really feel like talking.]

[following...although by this point, he's sort of already forgotten what he wanted to say in the first place]

First off, I don't "have" him, I don't even know him. I know you've spent so much time fighting with your past and future and whatthefuckever selves that the idea's tough to grasp, but that handsome son of a gun giving you and your friends so much trouble? Ain't me. Never was, never will be. His loss.

Second off, the only thing that makes me sicker than listening to one of you little shits talkin' about how much you hate each other is listening to you little shits talkin' about how much you hate yourselves. If I had known you'd turn out to be such a crybaby thumbsucking candyass toddler girl, I never would have cut my hand like that in the first place.

But fact is, I did. There's a little bit of my blood running through your weird alien veins right now, brat. That means you ain't gonna be some self-pitying little useless sack of crap, because I won't let you.

Okay, that's great advice. You're right, it was stupid of me to say this stuff over the phone, what was I thinking?

I'm obligated to tell you that was sarcasm, by the way. I don't have any fucking choice right now.

[turning on him]

Fuck off! Don't you have better shit to do? Oh wait, I doubt it.

[ Jade doesn't have to listen over the phone, as she is within eavesdropping distance when the call is made. She feels a little guilty listening in like this, but it is a public phone call, after all.

When he finishes, Jade sighs gently, clearing her throat to make her presence her known. ]

Karkat?

Well, hey there, Jade.

[He really does not look surprised to see her.]

Nope, I would not like to talk about it.

Naaaaw, not really. If my best motherfuckin' friend's being all upset and shit, I gotta help him get his glad on again. Ain't nothin' being more important than that, bro.

Um- [ She's just trying to be a good notsister! ] Okay, you don't have to. I wasn't even going to ask that anyway!

[ Except she totally was. ]

Okay, normally I'd say something really disgusting here, but I'm actually kind of touched.

However, as you probably haven't noticed, I'm not able to keep my ugly talk flap shut today, so I don't really want to have any conversations I might regret. Any more conversations.

I know you were going to ask, and now I'm feeling guilty for giving you the brush off when you just wanted to help.

But I'm in a fucking terrible mood right now, and I don't want to take it out on you, because you're one of the few people I actually don't want to seem like a complete scumbag around.

No, you don't have to feel guilty for that.

This is kind of a different situation than your memos, so you don't have to worry about seeming like a scumbag because I want to help you feel better! Which doesn't have to involve any talking at all, we could just do something instead.

Whoa, hold on a second! Even if I was interested in that, things are way too--

Oh, wait. Never mind, I definitely misheard that.

[D-did Karkat just say something nice to him?

Miracles. Everywhere.]

Bro, you can tell me anything, but if keepin' your flap shut be all up what you want, then that's what we'll motherfuckin' do. [He reaches into the air behind him, then remembers that he doesn't have his modus anymore and heads towards the fridge instead.]

Think you can open it to kick back one of these motherfuckin' wicked starmonkey elixers, though?

I could probably do that.

[There are some things Gamzee doesn't need to know, but Karkat has a plan.]

Wow, look out the window. Have you ever noticed how blue the human sky is? What a fucking miracle.

Jeez, Karkat!

[ Any other day she might berate him and let him know he needs to get his head out of the gutter, and she still might, but she just won't be doing it now. Instead, she laughs brightly, shaking her head. ]

I was thinking we could do something way less awkward or weird than that, like watching a movie.

Okay, while you're busy with that, I'm hiding some things from you that I don't want you to know about. I can't help but blurt them out, but there's not any reason you should no and I don't want to talk about it anyway.

Okay, you can't really blame me for getting that wrong. And I'm not normally this awkward about these things. But good. Because that quadrant is filled, by the way. Okay, I didn't mean to say that, but it's true. Sort of.

What kind of movie?

[pauses in the middle of handing Karkat a soda in order to stare out the window with his jaw open]

Whoooooa, you're right! How...how the fuck is it so beautiful? Look at all them motherfuckin' clouds, all fluffy and shit.

[stares at the sky and spaces out for a few minutes before blinking and turning back to Karkat]

...sorry, best friend, did you all up and say something?

Yes. I said I've been hiding things from you.

This isn't going to work.

Yes I can, but I'm not going to. Uh, and congratulations I guess! For filling your...quadrant.

[ Alright now before this gets any weirder. ]

I don't know, I know human movies are soooo much worse than troll moves but there has to be something that will interest you playing at the movie theater.

You have? Well shit, bro, I trust you, so if you be thinkin' that I don't need to know something, then I don't need to know it.

Soooooory. Anythin' I can do to be lending my fine brother a motherfuckin' hand?

Not really. It's not a big deal.

I'll take that soda.

Thanks. I don't go around talking about that, so keep a lid on it. It's not Strider or Egbert's business. Especially Strider.

I actually really do like human romance movies, they're just pretty different than what I'm used to and they don't always have everything I want to see. I wouldn't say no to checking one out.

Haha, sure thing, best friend.

[hands it over, then opens his own and drinks, staring out the window for a few minutes again before he suddenly speaks up]

Gotta say though, much as I be loving this miracle land, I kinda miss the sea back home.

[Yeah, he's also at the 'blurting out secrets' stage of the event...not that there's really much of a difference.]

My lips are sealed.

[ And as she's only at Stage 2, there's nothing to worry about unless someone is really intent on finding out about Karkat's love life. ]

Oh, okay! I bet there's something you'd like that's playing then. We can go right now even!

Edited 2011-07-18 07:23 (UTC)

Yeah?

I don't miss much about home. It's mostly small, stupid things. And the old crab, but I try not to think much about him.

Sure.

If we see anyone I know and I'm about to make an asshole out of myself again, go ahead and punch me unconscious.

Will do! And I'll try not to enjoy it too much.

I hear you there, bro. Long as I'm with friends, it don't really matter none to me where the motherfuck we're at. Everywhere's got its miracles goin' on.

I guess it really ain't so much the sea, more just watchin' out for the old goat and waitin' for him to show up. Can't really do that here with the grubwater they got goin' on.

Edited 2011-07-18 07:41 (UTC)

I guess not.

I don't get it at all. You annoy the fuck out of me, but I've always liked you a lot. How could you wind up being like that?

Don't ask what I'm talking about.

You can enjoy it all you want.

I should probably find a paper bag to put over my head if I'm going outside after all of that bullshit spew earlier, but I'll only look like a bigger asshole, so let's just go.

Uhhhh...okay. [beam] I like you a lot too, best friend. [stoner hug in 3...2...1...]

Now you're just being silly!

[ And she should know. Jade hooks her arm in his, already dragging him towards the door. ]

[uncomfortable...not returning this hug just allowing it to happen.]

[Well he has no choice but to follow then.]

...So, what kind of earth movies do you like, anyway? You're not obsessed with Nicolas Cage, are you?

[Karkat don't you know by now that Gamzee is never the first one to break a hug what are boundaries

if no one breaks it, he just spaces out during the hug and forgets it's even happening

sometimes he passes out on them]

No, Nicholas Cage is strictly John's territory. I usually like action movies, oh, and musicals!

[ Now if only they could take all of the action from Die Hard and cross it with the musical styling of The Sound of Music, she'd be a happy girl. ]

I'm sure trolls have action movies, but what about musicals?

You think I give a shit what the damn town's making you say? You wouldn't be saying it if it wasn't true, dipshit. That's gotta change. Gonna make a goddamn man outta you if it kills me. Or you.

...probably you.

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♋ PCG 6

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