♋ PCG 5

[crusthatecean]

[Audio Hook; Filtered from Gamzee]

Okay. Don't go around getting cute or mentioning any hypothetical audio hook arguments anyone has recently had with themselves that may or may not have been an embarrassment to witness. This is important shit, so stuff a wad down your cacophonous ignorance tubes for at long as you can manage it and listen, because this one is a question for the humans.

I really need to know. When your most ignorant shit-sponged delinquents want to completely fuck up their thinkpans, what sorts of substances to they ingest to accomplish this? And where do they find it? Hypothetically, what is the best possible way for an immature human being to get completely fucked up to the point of spending hours sitting around wondering how fucking magnetism is accomplished?

It's not for me. It's for a...friend.

Comments

l m f a o

[t4st3s.livejournal.com]

[ She'll just sit and laugh. Hard. Like, forever.

"For a friend". Yeah. ]

[survived]

Just mix a bunch of chemicals!

[You'd never guess that this dolt is an inventor.]

[cueballer.livejournal.com]

Haa Haa, Hee Hee, Hoo Hoo.

Oh my, this is rich. You're going to drug Mr. Makara so he won't change personalities and go insane.

[mothersome.livejournal.com]

_{[ Oh, she knew she was going to hear from him sooner or later. She's confused and amused. ]}

Are you actively seeking out a way to poison his thinkpan now, Karkat?

_{[ w e l p she still doesn't know what happens to Gamzee when he doesn't get his sopor slime. ]}

[action]

[miraculls.livejournal.com]

[Hey, Karkat, don't mind Gamzee coming up behind you - he's just going to rest his arm on top of your head and prop his chin up there. Man, it sure is nice having a friend who's short enough and whose horns are nubby enough that he can get away with doing this without impaling himself!]

Heeeeey, best motherfuckin' friend, what you all being up to?

[ooeeooahah]

Hm, immature humans still have developing neurosystems, so I'm not inclined to assist there, but maybe I can help another way.

What is the problem that the friend needs to get away from that they want mind-altering substances?

[crusthatecean.livejournal.com]

[sob only it really is for a friend...no one will ever believe him.]

Holy shit!

What part of I am fucking serious this is important shit you shrill cackling harpy did you not understand?

[crusthatecean.livejournal.com]

Oh, okay, great!

I didn't know that humans are immune to fucking poison! I'll just go ahead and feed my friend a random combination of every bottle with a skull on it under the sink and see what happens! Thanks for the advice!

[crusthatecean.livejournal.com]

Wow, okay, everybody whose fucking business my plans are, raise your hand right now!

That's funny, I don't see your hand! Oh, wait, that's because mind your own fucking business you shit globed asswipe! Fuck you!

1/2

[crusthatecean.livejournal.com]

Hey, I--

[cueballer.livejournal.com]

You don't see my hand because we're talking through a phone, Mr. Vantas.

Not that I care. Whatever you want to do to ensure he does not snap and go on a murderous rampage that ends with a good number of you dead. Be my guest.

[moemoetentacles.livejournal.com]

...What?

[crusthatecean.livejournal.com]

...

Kanaya?

[crusthatecean.livejournal.com]

[Okay. Karkat basically jumps out of his skin at that one, so yeah, pretty good thing about the nubby horns. He still looks like he's flipping out a little bit when he comes down.]

Jegus! What the fuck!

Don't fucking sneak up on me like that!

[crusthatecean.livejournal.com]

Spare me the lecture! He's been guzzling slime pies since he was old enough to know you're not supposed to do that shit, and he's a fucking moron anyway, so I doubt it matters.

The problem is that he's always been too blissed out on gorging his feedtube for us to realize that his real personality thinks his true purpose is to cull the low bloods. Low bloods in this case being every fucking person I know except for the one asshole I wouldn't mind him culling.

But yeah, sure, go ahead and apply your human values to our fucked up bloodthirsty species. I won't be doing the same, because I have no idea what sopor slime will do to a human.

[crusthatecean.livejournal.com]

Okay, do you know how to get shit that humans eat or whatever to fuck up their thinkpans.

If not, none of this is relevant to you.

[miraculls.livejournal.com]

[...okay, if Gamzee actually had the foresight to expect anything, that would not have been the reaction he'd expected! Just going to raise his hands in apology here.]

Whoooa, best friend, it be chill. Didn't mean for you to all up and get your motherfuckin' scare on like that, my bad.

[crusthatecean.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I know your game. Say it like it's a good plan, because it fucking is, but really you're just trying to make me think it's fucked up to sit around and feed him poison just to save our own asses.

Nice fucking try, asshole, but I'm impervious to guilt in general and I'm not feeling remotely guilty about my frankly brilliant and necessary leaderly decision.

[crusthatecean.livejournal.com]

I wasn't scared, I was startled. There's a huge fucking difference, fuckass.

[cueballer.livejournal.com]

Actually, no. I'm not saying that at all. If Mr. Makara ever attacked me I could handle him with an arm behind my back. Drugging him to ensure he does not harm civilians is very reasonable. After all, you have been doing that already with the pies.

[ooeeooahah]

Shoot, you didn't mention the cultural issues. Let me think a bit.

[ Some tuneless humming here... ]

Mayfield is so squeaky clean that I doubt you would be able to get your hands on anything that actually was available at the time.

I'd have to say that stopping him from culling others would be a good thing, here. We need everybody. Unfortunately, I'm not permitted to write prescriptions here. Can you keep him calm for a day or so? I need to check a few links in the supply chain.

[miraculls.livejournal.com]

Whoa, really? Sooooooooory. Stepping on horns usually all what scares the motherfuckin' shit out of me, honk! [What's sad is that being startled is actually pretty much the maximum amount of fear that Gamzee has ever felt.]

[crusthatecean.livejournal.com]

It is reasonable, fuckass. Very reasonable, so fuck you.

[crusthatecean.livejournal.com]

Well, that's stupid.

Whatever, it doesn't matter.

[moemoetentacles.livejournal.com]

Baking stuff usually seems to get pans pretty messed up. If you don't wash them right away.